weekend wedding

I've been wanting to post something light and have been so discombobulated I haven;t been able to dream anything up; until I emptied the contents of my  mobile phone and checked out all the photos l've taken..467!!!

last month I was so privileged to be part of one of my best friends wedding...now I am not a fan of weddings. Not because of my own history, but I just don;t like the frufru dresses, the hypocrisy of marrying in a church the couple never attend blah blah blah.

however this one was different. a true love story for one of my best friends, yes I am lucky as I have a handful of great girl friends, most of whom I have befriended since we moved 'oop north'. All married except for Charlotte (oh and of course me nowadays!)

Charlotte met Scott just under two years ago, in her freinds kitchen, how the two hadn't crossed paths there  before is beyond us all. Neither have been married before, both hovering on either side of 40 and so crazy about each other, it's lovely to see and hear.

I was one of two er bridesmaids or supporters or best women and was so proud to be asked. Four months in the planning, to be honest everything was organised within the first month of the booking of the civil ceremony. I think I was more excited for them than they were. We all like a happy ending don't we!

So here are few pics to give you a taste of the day. Informality was the order of the day, keep it simple Charlotte said, and to wear whatever you want, I want everyone to be comfortable and to just be there, except my girls have to really posh it up!!

      

                                          

                                                                  saz, charlotte & jaci all dressed up and ready to go

                                              

                                                                  Mr & Mrs                       

Kim, Scott, Charlotte, Jaci, Saz and the boys

the tullie house workers

Charlotte and I

the wedding party

let them eat cake!

the first dance

spreading a little bit of happiness xx

It's been a while...

... and l'm afraid I haven't had the heart or mind to blog or write anything.

It's been a pretty turbulent year on many levels; the hardest has been  my Mum/Moannie's terminal cancer diagnosis, her care and treatments, lots of juggling amongst family and friends. Mum is home for the moment from the hospice and settled quietly in at home. Dad is being pretty awesome being her main carer for the last year, despite his own health issues, although now he is supported by a team of hospice nursing staff and carers.

Mum early last month in her sunny garden

During the summer my son gained two A* grades, one A grade and two B grades in his exams and so he is now busy preparing for his big adventure!
With mixed emotions we will be packing up the car and driving the contents of his two rooms (or so it seems) to Lancaster University!

My lovelee son, my date at my pals wedding

Then I will make a quick exit and return to our roomy flat and for the first time in a lifetime it will be just me, (oh and kitty) and I will reflect on the losses of this year and ruminate on the future.

I wonder...!?*

Mostly I just hope.

Saz xx

I have a new man in my life...

yes I do... and he has moved in!!
He does have expectations, he doesn't pay rent,  I provide food and drink, and he demands my sole attention. He likes me to stroke him and play with him and his boys toys... sometimes he likes to chase me up and down the stairs...he keeps anti social hours and doesn't come to bed until 4 or 5am...when he does he gets up close and personal and his facial hair tickles a lot..
He loves to cuddle and snuggle and loves a morning lay in...I think he loves me cos he purrs a lot, and is a sucker for a good rub on his tummy, in fact he just rolls over and takes it all...what more could a girl want?


A real man? nah I'm all done with that. 
Meet Monty... 9 weeks old. I took him in last week and his owners now can't look after him. So what would you do take him to a refuge? Give him away to a good home? Or keep him? Yeah yeah, l know, but I couldn't resist...

                                           

Saz xx

in stone or in sand?

… and in one day life changed

when you

touched my caged heart

and breathed for me.

So I took a chance,

together we opened  the door,

Overwhelmed

by your gentleness,

your affection,

the butter soft skin

and that Smile…

we soared

higher

 ‘etched in stone or scratched in the sand’

entwined, hopeful…

When you left,

the air became stale,

tinged

with a torrent of hurt

I, respectful of your choices

and  needs,

lay still,

lungs  bursting,

my loins weep

and long for you

an ache that burns through my day

and my skin stings

where your fingers once

aroused and soothed,

your lips, enflamed,

your words

filled me with laughter

and

 fulfilled me with love

and hope.

And now,

our love ,

 suspended

l miss your blue, blue eyes,

I still see their sadness,

I want to drain them of your doubts and guilt,

and fill them with belief

whilst I am left sitting

on the sharp edge of pain…

but yet,

still,  I believe 

Mama

A while back I felt compelled to draw a picture of Mum/Moannie.

I have only ever painted one other portrait, in the '80's of my namesake Sara who was about three at the time...now a married lady.

So I gave it a go...and after several days of looking at the drawing I gathered the courage to add some watercolour..

I was scared that I would overdo the paint and lose the impression I wanted...which was to capture the essence of Mum...which I believe I have in her eyes and lovely mouth..

I did however overwork it...and completely lost the fluidity and looseness I liked before I spoiled it.
Luckily l took a digital image of it at it's best and I had this enlarged and printed.

l presented Mum and Dad with it and they were delighted.

here comes the sun

..and the sun burned through the cloud
breaking the sheet of winter,
permeating through the detritus
left from the early spring chills,
warmth spread through me
like a shockwave of hope,
a lifeline tethered by friendships
and anchored by a steely determination
to believe again,
laughing lessons in life,

and too I live, I laugh, I love...

saz x

a flying visit

I  arrived on Tuesday for a short drive by visit, keen to see Mum/Moannie and Dad/Jp face to face.
I haven't been down to visit this year and with all the drama's both here and in Kent, I knew only a visit would would comfort us all on many levels.


Mum is coping well with the treatments, drugs and ensuing symptoms and side effects. Compounded by changes in her mood and  limitations affecting her energy levels, l was pleased to see they have both now settled into new routines and managing better than anyone expected. Dad's newly diagnosed illness appears to have not daunted him. Like me he is fairly fatalistic and he is not, we are assured in any short term danger.

I am proud in how far they have come since November and how their human spirit and long marriage has served to give them strength over these sudden changes to their quiet and reportedly uneventful lives.

They are both an inspiration.

Saz x