Photostory friday - C'est arrivé!

I had to share this with you

as you have all been on this journey with me

This morning just as I was leaving for work

the postman rang the doorbell

he wanted a signature

for this...

Yippee... it's official. I am now British AND French!

My journey has been written through these posts

A sense of belonging

A life in patchwork

Visit Mama Geek and Cecily, creators of Photo Story Friday.

A la claire fontaine

Monday night I went to the cinema, alone.

'The Monday Night Alternative' is a film season at the Tullie House Museum

which shows independent films that have no chance

of reaching us through the syndicated cinemas by which we are now served.

Two weeks ago I saw 'Miss Pettigrew lives for a Day',

a delightful Henry Higgins of a film. Substantial talent. A period piece.

The screen play was a gentle and respectful representation of the book by Winifred Watson.

I read this last year, it has been republished by the wonderful Persephone -

I love rolling that word around my mouth - Publishing house.

They only publish out of print books,

which they consider to be masterpieces of 20th century fiction.

With a lighthearted punch.

It is funny and classy. The 1930's fashions too, sigh!

The film was a delight. I recommend it.

On Monday I saw, 'I've missed you so long'.

Il y a longtemps que je t'aime (2008)

A wonderful crisp french film. Great effortless acting.

I had wanted to see this for some time, it is already on DVD.

But to see it in the small lecture theatre/cinema at Tullie House,

makes the occasion a little more personal and it feels like a treat.

Something which the commercial bathtubs, full of popcorn and selling BOGOF's

through the teenage market on mobile phones, does not quite capture.

Kristin Scott Thomas headed up the classy cast,

in this drama dealing with the dramatic family secrets, ties and angst.

I tend to watch more French and World cinema films.

As I get older the challenge of understanding the plot,

with their subtle hidden humour and stylish nuances

makes the effort of going so worthwhile.

A tune, ' a la claire fontaine' pulled me further in half way through,

as I seemingly knew the lyrics of the first few verses. By heart?

I couldn't recall exactly why I know it - Moannie may be able to tell me -

It has been playing on repeat in my head all day. I hear it now.

A pocket full of memories. Locked away. Until someone turns the key.

Life is strange isn't it?

'A la claire fontaine' was also played at the end

of another wonderful film ' The Painted Veil'

a film adaptation of W. Somerset Maugham's book.

Higly recommended also.

A life in patchwork

Whilst exploring my eligibility for dual nationality/citizenship - sorry if this is boring you  folks,  I know I have posted about this exciting development twice  already, but this is another aspect -  it gradually dawned on me that I am no longer allowed to legally use my maiden name in the UK.

Is this a little known fact ? - or only to me - it came as quite a shock I can tell you. I have oftentimes thrown in my maiden name, with a flourish, usually when completing a form or library card.  For me it adds authenticity.  I can actually feel it.   Mrs Saz Brown doesn't have the same ring to it - no offence Larry- that my previous title of Miss Saz Amy Chevalier had - the names have been changed to protect the innocent or in this  guilty - though more evocative perhaps with an exotic ring. For me. It is more representative of my ethnicity. I have French, Italian and English blood. Our blood line. Our origins. Our originality. Our authenticity. It is a rich tapestry indeed. 

What we seem to be or even what people believe us to be. Is pretty subjective. Contextual. Like a painting, a poem or a book. It isn't just about the paint, the written word. It is about what we bring with us.  Indeed, what I am is rarely what others percieve me to be. That is, I am only what they believe me to me. But for me. For myself. I can only be true to myself. And so I can never fulfill the perceptions of others. 

I do feel I need to put my own personal house in order. So arranging these pieces of the social and domestic patchwork in a non hierarchical but relative and authentically sound manner, just feels right for me at this time. So, the French passports and Identity cards are ordered. Now, I feel I should make my name authentic also. I have been in touch with the UK Deed poll people who very patiently emailed me the detail. Twice. So I could get my head around the why and the when. It is about creating a paper audit trail, I'm told.

In many European countries one retains their maiden name. In the US aand Mexico too. For example Jackie Bouvier Kennedy Onnasis. It tells a story. Mrs. Saz Amy Chevalier Brown. Okay, odd sounding but nevertheless authentic.

In 1982 I proudly showed my bank and the passport people my new bright shiny and symbolically  unsoiled, uncreased, Marriage certificate and they - I thought- added Brown to my name. But no, non, nein, na, ndak. I became Mrs Saz Amy Brown. With pride. Beaming. Happy and complete. Satisfied. So I thought. 27 + years later. Not so. One changes. Like that handmade quilt, we add bits, repair tears and pulls. Patch it up. We learn more stitches. We adorn it or alter the shape. I too have altered. I have grown in some ways. Made huge changes of direction in some ways. Some of my ideas, beliefs and situation, even my bedrock has organically altered. For better and for worse. Essentially I am still the 17 year old, (oh no really!?) but with wiser eyes, ears, mind and heart.

Changing a passport or name isn't life altering.  It is shoring up the edges of the quilt. Tidying up the side seams and even adding trimming. To secure the inner design. To enhance the inner spaces and to add to the foundation of the whole. That's what I am doing. It feels right. It feels authentic. This is me.

p.s. The French Embassy in London have called me twice as The Honory Monsieur le Consul, forgot to photocopy my UK passport. Secondly he omitted to point out that my marriage has never been registered with them. Enfin, my French passport & ID card will not have my married name on them. 

A sense of belonging

My mother is English, English like a rose or Yorkshire pudding, (sorry about the comparison) so English that if you cut her in half she would, like a stick of rock have GB written all the way through her! 

My father is French - as french as garlic Maurice Chevalier or vin ordinaire although there is nothing ordinary about mon pere. By his parentage he is actually French/Italian.

During my childhood and teenage years, we lived in England, briefly in France and Spain and we emigrated to Canada and then Mexico. When I left school at 16 in England I went to the States to school in upstate New York for about a year, staying with family friends. I have lived in southern England, but more recently in the North 8 miles from the Scottish border.

My parents, after several more adventures and sojourns in France, Cornwall and Mexico have settled comfortably in Kent, which I guess if you twisted my arm I would call 'home'. But the truth is, I never have felt that I belong anywhere. I've been to school in four different countries, in Canada I adjusted quickly but after a year we moved to Mexico and I had to learn the language and participate in the morning lessons with kids three years younger. When I came back to the UK I was nearly two years behind, and it took me a good while to fit in. My husband and I have moved home seven times, as I get to that stage of feeling comfortable and I get a whiff of belonging, we move. Of course I am happy where my husband and kids are, but I live 400 miles away from my parents and I often feel isolated here, not geographically, but it's more an emotional isolation and I think its something only I can figure out.

When we were younger we kids always knew we could represent either Britain or France if we became sportsmen - we didn't- and as a child I did support England over France in the Footie world cup or tennis or eurovision song contest! But as I've grown older, and my links have naturally loosened, as they do when you leave home and make your own way in life. I've been drawn more to things French, the culture, the landscape, the people, thinking about my early french experiences and memories. Often we only realise the value of family as we get older and I have sometimes thought I should have explored the option of dual nationality but as with so many things put the thought away for another day.

Well I think that day may have arrived. I have been in contact with the French Embassy in London, and have found out my father registered all his children's births with the Etat civil. Mum tells me he made special trips to London to do this after each of us were born. I was touched to learn this and it also tells me that it must be important to my father.

So, 'Mlle. Marie' at the embassy has confirmed that I can still, even though I am married and hold a UK passport, claim my french citizenship and apply for a French passport. The extraordinary thing is that I can't tell you how it makes me feel and how excited I am about this on several levels. My father knows nothing about this, indeed I can't recall his ever mentioning it bar once in passing that it was an entitlement  and he won't know about it until if and when I have a French passport in my hand to show him,  I can't wait to see his face. As an adult I have never felt completely English. When I'm filling in forms and am asked my nationality or ethnicity or ethnic origin, I always want to write European, which doesn't exist as a category, so I write British, but always reluctantly as it's not quite right for me! This does not diminish myEnglishness at all in fact I think it enhances it. Gosh aren't we complicated creatures!

This isn't yet a done deal, but looks very promising and it has helped me to sort out my thoughts and feelings which is a huge bonus! Of course now this may make life more complicated, as I could exit the country on UK passport and enter on french ... which is rather silly l know, but funny!

I will keep you posted...

Ethnicity -ethnic traits, background, allegiance, or association 

Ethnic origin - belonging to or deriving from cultural, racial, religious or linguistic traditions of a people or country