Manic Mama!

I found this on the net and thought I would share it..

Recognise yourself? I sure do!

Hell hath no fury ...

... like a woman going through the CHANGE'.

I am, I think by nature a passionate creature, I am a mix of French/Italian & English by parentage ... surely this speaks volumes ... there are no in between moods nor shades of grey with me I'm afraid. So perhaps one should feel sorry for my husband, my daughter and my son, yes probably even Pippa, our dog.

I have been known to try and put the iron into the fridge, the kids have found the bacon in the dishwasher instead of the fridge and the butter into the microwave (in error), and no the butter wasn't frozen! I have ranted at the children for not putting a teaspoon into the dishwasher and cried copiously in frustration on the telephone to the man at the bank, the telephone supplier and Sky tv. I know getting through the 8 different menu sections, to speak with a living breathing human in Bangkok, Bombay or Blackpool would test the patience of Mother Teresa or even Gandhi himself, but it defeats me totally, menopausal or not!

Lucky are those who can take Hrt, as l experienced the happy pills for 3 blissful months. Heaven on earth it was, no flushes, my mood swings were better, but my BP was so abnormal when checked by my Doctor, he was surprised l was still breathing. He told me to not take one more.

Now l just pray that the 'mad manic mama' or 'the mentalist' tags by which I am now referred to, will soon be forgotten and forgiven and I can get through this end of the horror, with my marriage and our children still intact and me in one un-frazzled piece!!

Last year I was having hot flushes (flashes in USA) every 10 minutes, day and night for about four months. Now I just get them when I eat anything hot, mow the lawn or ... well l'm sure you can imagine! 

All around me everyone is complaining that it is getting colder and asking 'when can we put the heating on?', I just laugh and tell them to firm up and put on a cardi or sweater. The heating on! no, that aint gonna happen this month!

Any helpful old wives tales or stress and strenuous free tips would be gratefully received...

OH shit, open the effing window here comes another hormonal heat wave...

HOW MANY MENOPAUSAL WOMEN ....

How many MENOPAUSAL women does it take to change a light bulb ?

One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the f# &%! ** light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !!

I'm sorry. What was the question?

Sara x

Like I don't have enough to do!

Why do we do it? Why do we say yes when we mean no!? Why do we take on new projects or assume another role? Does it mean l'm too needy and so l want to be liked and please people sooo much that I will stuff my day to overflowing, until l reach that point where l say ENOUGH!!

Why do l do this often enough, that every six months or so I have sit down with a pen and paper and list my roles, jobs, projects and then I shave the list so I can breathe?

One of my 'roles' is as a part time Museum & Gallery assisitant on a 25 hour week, which is worked over a complicated eight week shift pattern, which changes over three seasons and that only the Ancient Bablylonians or Egyptians would understand!



I juggle this job around the family, which includes two teenage kids, one 13 year old boy and a 16 year old girl (I thank you for your sympathetic groans!) and a 12 year black lab called Pippa. My husband works away most weekdays and comes home for weekends, although as I type, we are in the middle of a three week 'work away' period, which is new to us all; more on that another time, depending how it all turns out!

So as l'm sure you can imagine the daily photofit, with me managing everyone and myself in some sort of tuneless syncopation which we call, our day!

So when l am asked and invariably this is a twice weekly event, to alter, extend or swap a shift to suit someone and anyone other than me, why do I say, 'yes that's fine!' ....even though I am given the, 'you don't have to do it!'... get out of jail free card!

I tell myself that it's cos l want an easy life, no hassle! But the bottom line is it gives me hassle! It doesnt make my life any easier!

Like I don't have enough to do!



So you heard it here first, the first point on my 'plan' is to say no! No changes, no new projects or at least until l finish the ones l've started (oh my!)and for gods sake Sara, as my daughter is always telling me, 'CHILL WOMAN!'

SOLACE TO MY EARS! (and waist)

I caught this snippet on the BBC website last night, the article is celebrating a 2001 exhibition at London's British Museum, 'Cleopatra unveiled'.



'Yet recent reports in a British newspaper suggested that Cleopatra was fat and frumpy, with a large hooked nose, bad teeth, sharp eyes, and a thick fat-folded neck.'




Peter Higgs, curator of the Museum's Greek and Roman Department explains,

"These statues carved in the Egyptian style, show this wonderful curvaceous body, but, if you look at the face, it's not what we call beautiful by modern standards, although she may have been considered beautiful at the time."

PAH!! only a man would say that!! I think she still looks pretty darn fine!

SO WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT?

Did l really call this blog 'Fat, frumpy & fifty?' Yes, I did and why? Well because I was thinking of a suitable title for this blog, one that summed up my 'NOW' and rightly or wrongly that's how I feel NOW. l remembered my mum using the phrase often to describe herself and other women of a certain age. And low and behold I realise that now includes me!

Am I fat, frumpy & fifty? I guess l'm overweight a tad or two, but then who isn't? Am I frumpy? truthfully? yeah on a BAD day or when l'm just slouching around the house and garden, no makeup, just jeans and a tee. AM I fifty? Ah, now here we come to it, the crux of the matter.

I will reach this monumental state next month. Sigh! I'm all a twitter and I can hardly stop thinking about it!

However, l have decided not to sit and squirm and squeeze this offending spot on my immediate horizon, I have decided that this will be a great year, the year I start to put myself a little more ahead in the queue of wants and needs. Perhaps to pamper, to indulge and perhaps to enjoy!

I haven't a plan but I'm sure it will come together nicely over the next weeks and months and l shall try and stick to it, this plan I don't have!