Sisters under the skin...

I have had further thoughts on the state of happiness, perspective and sisterhood. In that we are what we are and we have to look inward if we are to be useful to anyone else I feel. Introspection is a good thing, self analysis though for me can border on the dangerous, because it lacks perspective. Unless led by a professional, but even then, they can bring their own context to bear.

I am at fault too, as I always strive to be nicer, to be smile-ier, to be everything to everyone and it just cannot be. Why are we not happy enough we to just BE!? Gosh are we bloody complicated. I think we are because we've been set up, mostly by the propoganda machine that echo's the media, and of the legacy of 60's liberation, pah!- to be mother earth and yet super sexy wife-hoare and also clever witty work slave...

All the posts are so similar recently and many have commented on the fact, (hence 'Let's talk about...' )

Is it the air pressure? Or that which school teachers blame the playground behaviour on the air pressure.. l've heard them... something to do with the inner ear?

Or when women work together, or girls at school together, or best frieds, mthers and dughters... they all after a few months have the same cycle... teenage hormones and menaopausal hormones do not mix well. I can tell you....

It's all the moon, the moon. So does it follow this is the cause of similar themed posts? I wonder. It's the only thing safe to do these days. Wonder to myself, and so to you!

I WOULD RATHER STICK NEEDLES IN MY EYES!

The kids have broken up from school and today is the first day of their hols and they are still sleeping soundly, its eleven am. This is the first year that I am working during the hols, but I have taken most of it off and I will only be at work for about 10 days in total, so I am pleased about that, though I am not sure that they are!

In summers past, we have been very busy with varoius activities, camping, trips out or in, film days, with young kids and six weeks spread before you, you gotta have a plan! As the weather here is usually poor at best, with overcast skies and intemittent showers. At worst the rain comes down like razor blades and lies in wet lakes for weeks. When the kids go back to scool its then the sun comes out agian and we have an Indian summer, when no one is off work/school to appreciate it. I can tell you the weather in Cumbria on any given day changes in a hearbeat. I've known, bright sunshine and blue skies, then within half an hour, wind and hail the size of cherries!

For the first week of the holidays we would always create a ' wall muriel' well that's what we called it! We chose a theme, ie. Millenium, Family, Interests, Star Wars or The year in Colour. We would then pin a long length of plain wall backing paper to the wall, probably about ten feet of it. We would draw within our own 'section' and paint, collage, colour in and write phrases etc. At the end of the week, we would unveil this art work to Dad when he came home and the kids would be thrilled. We have quite a collection, as we often played this 'game' at the kids birthday parties when they we pre-school through to infants. It was always a success, what kid doesnt like to draw and write on the wall?

Of course now, we have teenagers in the house with teenage hormones raging and my menopausal hormones waning! My daughter (16) will work some of the summer if a job presents itself, which at this late stage I doubt, frankly I imagine one has to actually remove ones arse from the bed to get up and at it! My son (13) will stay in his fuggy box of a bedroom and strum his guitars until his fingers bleed or I beg him to help me with some chore or other, which he will do and the grunts and sighs at least reassure me he is alive!

We have some small breaks planned, the kids are meeting their Dad in Manchester next week for a few days, to stay in the corporate flat with him and they will see the new Batman film and shop in the malls. SO I get some time alone with the remote, a gin bottle and a chunk or seven of galxay.

My DH (dear husband) holds a corporate jolly on a boat at Cowes each year and this year I am driving us down there and staying on a farm in a Vintage Airstream trailer (I try and keep the vintage theme going : see my site). DH will be busy entertaining his people and hopefully we get to see him the odd evening. Cross fingers the kids won't be too aghast at it all!

We leave Cowes on my 50th birthday and travel up to my folks in Kent for a BBQ. Followed by a day at Bluewater which will fulfill everyones family shopping expectations. The Apple shop, Starbucks, Primark, Model Zone, Hmv/virgin, Rigby & Peller and Betty Jackson.I will drive home alone to collect Pippa our trusty black lab and the kids and DH will spend a few more days in Manchester.

I am booked in for a Spa day with my pal, in a posh old Hall in the Lakes end of august, a birthday treat!

The kids may also go camping with DH in their last week, this is something I avoid like the plague. I would rather stick needles in my eyes!

A HORMONAL HAZE!

I'm so stressed, I cannot really believe it is me, but I almost always am these days.

So okay, I've had a busy week of evacuation exercises, work pattern changes, strikes and picket lines and busy, busy times on a busy reception, busy... do I really need to say busy again? My current routine, which as I've mentioned before involves juggling work, home, kids, animals during the week, whilst hubby works away. Not to mention the housework and the zillion other claims, which admittedly I put upon myself! This is something a world of other mums do and probably better than I. It isn't anything new, rare or indeed different. We women do joke that we can multi task, but actually I do hold up my hands and say that I do multi task but none of it do I do particularly well ... and it's all getting a wee bit tedious, actually.

Twenty years ago, we lived 'down south', we were you could say 'DINKY', double income no kids yet. Married for 6 years, together for 13 and enjoying 2-3 holidays a year, work, cars, eating out, living the Thatcher dream! (or so we thought then). I held an assortment of retail buying and management jobs, I was well paid, organised, (I was honest!) I was highly motivated and I enjoyed the responsibilities of buying and managing staff, of fashion trips, Fashion week, fairs and flying to conferences. I worked 10 and 12 hour days, sometimes on top of a 60 mile commute to London and beyond and back again daily! I was confident, successful and an achiever.

We made some choices that changed our lives and we had two children. When they were toddlers we upped sticks and moved from the sunny seaside of Kent, to the dark, dank and dreary climes of Cumbria. Great for walkers, climbers, ramblers, farmers and fish! I've had a variety of part time jobs here, which I've chosen so they worked well around the kids' school hours and hol's.

For a time I didnt work at all as I was busy setting up my onlone vintage clothing site (http://www.sarasattic.co.uk/). But I soon felt isolated alone all day on remote farm and so found another job that fit around the family.

So what the hell happened? How can a week of part time work, (granted over five full stressful days), two teenage kids that don't really need mollycoddling anymore, (even if I do fuss), a dog, a rabbit, the usual housework, keeping on top of the garden, some bill paying and a Tesco online shop, drive me to cotton wool wobbly despair? I have the coping skills and stamina to deal with most major domestic/emotional castrophes, l know this cos I have been there, when the shit hits, you can count on me. Please don't misunderstand, these are my choices and I stand by them. But the daily grind seems to be getting the better of me!

SO whats with the stress? the headaches? the angst? the miserable moods? I like to, no hope to think it's the mid life change and all this brings to bear. This too shall pass.

A menopausal mum in crisis with two teenagers in the house. This house is a hormonal haze. No wonder my husband only comes home at weekends! I can't blame him, I wouldn't come home at all!

...5 days off now, breathe deeply, smell the roses, tomorrow is a new day ... yeah well obviously, DUH!