inching closer

..and closer...this time next Wednesday I will be a single girl. Unmarried. Divorced.

When I received word that my divorce had been granted (on my terms) I was ecstatic, beside myself. It felt like a validation, someone believed me and agreed with my words and feelings.

And yet..the last couple of days have brought feelings of ambivalence and then some sadness, which is to be expected, but frankly I don't like it. It's too near the flat empty place I lived within for so long. I refuse to drown myself in such dampness and hopelessness.

After collecting my decree absolute, freshly stamped and with the ink of the Judge's signature still wet; I will be gathering with my friends. Those who helped me and encouraged me when I needed and when I didn't; those who sat quietly when I needed and who shouted at me when they believed I needed. Some of you are not able to be here in person, so I will raise my glass and think of you often.

I shall not dwell in sadness. I shall keep a torn corner of it and reflect upon it's making from time to time, with renewed perspective and lust for the adventures yet to happen...

I dwell in possibility....

Sara x

p.s. this will  be my final post in this place, as I feel it is now full and complete. I have moved to a new place, a new wide open blank canvas... waiting to be written.  You are welcome to join me.

A pain in the neck

(although I now occupy a new space in blogland, I can't quite vacate the old homestead)

These days I think it's always wise to expect the unexpected and sure thing Monday was one of those days.....

I got shunted and not in a good way, stationary waiting for a jcb to cross in front of my car at road works, the driver behind, just didnt notice or something and rearended me big time, and promptly drove off.

Forward to Tuesday and after police, statements and the locating by them of the aforementioned driver, I was beginning to feel the effects, my car needs some tlc, a new bumper and spoiler and I need tlc and a new spine. Well not quite I am exaggerating  a little.

I spent tuesday from 4pm, trussed up like a christmas turkey, flat on my back, neck in a brace and my head taped to the table in a large contraption. Took 6 people to roll me here there and everywhere. Xrays, bedpans, URGH!  AND no movement at all, fearful that the whip lash had cracked a vertebrae or worse.

My only view was of  the ceiling tiles for nearly 24 hours, and then the MRi . That was an experience, anyone I know who has had one, has said it claustrophobic and noisy at best. I found the clanging quite rhythmic and so I heard a melody in there and was only woken by my own snoring!  (btw I'm sure I don't snore)

The consultant released me from my prison bed after the MRi. The good news was nothing was cracked or broken. I apparently have severe arthritis in my neck now as well as my lower back, though neither gives me any jip really. The whiplash effect has displaced a disc and its pressing on a nerve that is now also dislodged, causing the numbness. With rest it may all return to normal, so a couple of weeks off. Hopefully this will do the trick otherwise I'm to go to a neurosurgeon in Newcastle..

So from my lovely bed, surrounded with books, pens, paper, music, gin - I kid you not my pal brought me a water bottle full of gin n tonic to the hospital. I KNOW who my friends are!

Having two men fuss after me last evening was quite splendid, not sure how long I can extend this treatment, but a girl has to try!

(update - the acc

I'm moving on...

no I am not moving house again...I can't even bear the thought of it!

I am moving on from FFF...I feel the time has come  (see previous post) to spread my wings and er well push the envelope a little.

I will still post here from time to time and post images on Capturing Carlise as and when...

I have thought abut this for a while and with all the changes that have occurred  over the four or more years since I first started blogging for my sanity I have decided to create a new space for myself elsewhere.

If any of my friends would like to come visit my new space, then please let me know and I will give you the details, I may have visited you already and you may not have known it to be me as I am not Saz/Sara at the new place..

As Jim says back soon with betterer stuff....

Sara x

another step forward

... at 10am today, a county court judge will officially pronounce that I have been granted a decree nisi. In anticipation I believed that I would be quite sad when the letter arrived, in fact I was very pleased, very relieved and I found l was quite excited. I've been sad and unhappy for a long, long time...I believe I am done with all that.

Now I look forward to the 7th September's decree absolute and

I look forward.......

Many, many thanks for all the support, advice and shoulders proffered friends, work colleagues and family...you know who you are and please believe me when I say, 'l honestly could not have got through it without you....'

There are still some 'issues' yet to be addressed, but I am through the other side and
so to new beginnings, new friends, new experiences and pleasures...

I've only just begun

What have I been doing....?

well I have been

taking macro photos

 and 

and

and much sitting street side, 

much contemplating and pondering

 and working here...

 eating my lunch here

tea drinking ahhhh!!

  thinking about cycling

not doing though, weather has been crap

and l am a fair weather cyclist!

some mixing it...

with Lucy

and I stayed far too long in here...

and l began to sell some of my handbag collection

and more people watching....

and

 I fell in love 

with this kitty, but I was told I couldn't bring her home... 

not a cat lover, but I really fell head over heels this time

and I watched the sunset beyond the Castle at 10.15pm

so a bit of this and that .....

Sara x

..

Happy Father's Day!!

voici mon pere..

Jean-Pierre

Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange

it's time for an

... I just need to pick up some popcorn and stretch my legs for a while!