Getting stuck in again...

It isn't New Year for sometime, even so I have never been a New Fear developing newyear-itus shortly after Boxing Day. Bah humbug and bad experiences have not enamoured me to the festivities. Although I am hopeful that I may even find myself enjoying the Eve in the future, perhaps in new company or a new space entirely. Who the hell knows!

I have never  been one to make foolhardy, spur of the moment, resolutions or four. The only ones I remember are the oft mentioned, ' I will lose weight' and the  ' I will stop smoking' ones. Funnily I have achieved both, (with the odd relapse) but not because of new year resolutions almost in spite of them!

The reason l mention resolutions is because I don't feel I need a reason, a kick up the backside or anything else for me to make changes. I just know I have to. Over the last few years due to a mix, of menopausal hormones, couch potato-itus and  slothlike bad habits, I mislaid my enthusiasm for almost anything or anyone except my children. I admit it. I became bored with housework. Bored with cooking. Bored with the same old repertoire. Bored with the day to day. I guess those around me did too. Though the kids rarely expressed this so obviously and cruelly as to call my cooking, slop to my face. But that is another story. And thinking ahead when the kids left for Uni or work or whatever I couldn't think of anything to look forward to, I had been there, done it, what else was there. I think I had resolved to just be. That is not enough. Not nearly. No way, no how.

I have started to rekindled my interest in cooking with so many new programmes and books out this time of year. How could l not, it  has helped reignite my gas hob(!) and I hope my enthusiasm for food and eating it is returning.

Many changes have taken place since February and you are probably just as tired of hearing about these as I am! But this is my space and this is one of the places I come back to often. I am able to look backwards over my shoulder, to the months and years l have written here and l know it is helpful to me to read these and reflect on the context of the time. I liken this place to the tv or radio; if you don't like what you are hearing then turn it/me off.

So I have decided to take up my studies again. These I began in 1999 and over the decade I have studied Humantites specialising in Art History with the Open University. I haven't been able to study every year and I had no particular goal other than to lry to learn again , to push myself academically and to try and enjoy the study ethic. I recently realised that I am 3/4 the way to getting a BA Degree. So I signed up for two courses next year with the Open University; Renaissance Rediscovered (Jan '11-Oct '11) and  The Art Residential School (May - Oct '11) with one week at Queen Mary, London University.  I have ordered the required books for preparatory reading, they shall keep me busy over the next couple of months. I hope it all comes back to me. Completing the degree in 2012 is the plan. I then hope to change track a little and study some Psychology courses.

Starting early next year I  have also enrolled on an Italian short course in the evening for a 6 weeks, because l love the sound and taste of the language. Luckily I am comfortable with languages,  I used to be fairly fluent in French and Mexican in my teens. Adding to this is a Silversmithing course and a Cookery weekend. I feel it is important for me to keep busy but not take on too much for fearing of burning out too soon.   I was giving a lot of thought to retraining but at 52 a 5 year learning plan isn't realistic. I hope the Degree may open some doors within the Museum for me, if not it will be a huge achievement and very satisfying.

It's about giving the love back to me.

                                                  Here is some 'slop' I prepared earlier.

           Olives, anchovies, chicken, baby pepperdews, plum tomatoes and  ...

after baking for 1.5 hours. Deee-lish!