Moments...

I haven't much to report, l haven't anything to write about
perhaps l am more chilled than l realize,

so all l can tell you is that l have been quietly doing things

... drinking tea, eating toast with Jeremy Vine

and fiddling in the front 'garden
an overgrown 12' x 4' frontage

being home means l have been able to create this... 

in what was an overgrown wasteland...

removing all the 'growth'

l found this rockery underneath 

which a neighbour tells me was a previous owners pride and joy             

                                               so four hours work. and this is more presentable...

Summer song

l wonder if this will be the song of the summer 2010? The fabulous Scissor sisters...
Great mantra- Fight fire with fire....

time out

I have some time on my hands,

  my doctor has signed me off work for 4 weeks 

and I am under instructions to relax, 

be kind to myself and to let things wash over me. 

In the last few months

I have probably done a little too much coping,

much hiding in my work and a bit too much overtime,

 now I find that l am facing an impenetrable brick wall

So I intend to do as l am told,

enjoy without guilt some morning lay ins,

some must do walking and cycling in the evenings, 

with a rest on my favourite bench,
breathing in deeply of my surroundings

(my bike resting in Rickerby Park, Carlisle)

I have organised my paints and pastels,

bought a couple of fresh canvases

and even had a stab at a large pastel landscape

I am all signed up on courses

including Tai Chi and Shiatsu

l intend to spend many hours in my healing place,

my new secret garden

literally smelling the old roses!

Trees

a selection of trees

probably a century old or more

from within

my secret garden

l wonder 

how many trees can be named 

from this silhouette of leaves

 l love looking skyward 

and being under the canopy of branches

solid, old, strong, wise, dependable

is this the tree or what l'm looking for...

old trees bring out the hugs in me...

Miscellaneous Monday

as l stopped by the window

and filled the kettle for a brew

I was drawn to the symmetrical composition 

outside the kitchen window

twin parked

almost identical cars

made a strangely pleasing sight

What am I?

In an art gallery the other day, a canvas hung with text listing the roles in one persons life. Entitled. What am I? As opposed to, who am I?

I always wonder about that. Am I what l feel l am? What l think l am? Or what people perceive me to be? I believe l am all these things and more, much more. I'm not sure if l even wish to be defined. I certainly do not need to be. I know l am ever changing, never the same, inconsistent yet consistently true to myself.

Is it perception or reality? I feel there must be a constant, as it is innate. A shadow of love and life that connects to the family and friends way beyond any tag l could be given, any box into which l am placed.

I have had many roles, as myself and as other see me;in the workplace, in the home, friendships. I have always been in a front line... more by luck than judgement but there you are..

school girl, checkout girl, shampooist,
 hairdresser, shop girl

manager, area manager, fashion buyer

fundraiser, trainer, counselor

bookseller, market researcher,
school helper, charity worker.
mentor,

dinner lady, volunteer, fundraiser,

gallery assistant, sales advisor

receptionist, exhibition installer,

student, reader, writer,

artist, blogger, book reviewer, museum worker,
art gallery assistant, receptionist,
friend, mother, wife, daughter...

would any define me... .the last four have the most value for me

Where, when, what...

... blatantly taken from Expat mum, who in turn got it from London mum


Where were you 5 years ago?
We were living in an old farmhouse, on a working farm, deep in rural Cumbria. 3 miles from the nearest shop, with cows our nearest neighbours. Surrounded by fields, our kids played in the gardens, lanes and fields safely. I ran them to and from town, a 30 mile round trip once, twice, three times a day. manic by day, laconic by night. I didn't realise how good it all was. How simple.

Where would you like to be in 5 years time?
Happier and pain free certainly.

5 snacks l like.
cashews
gin
swizzels loillipops
strawberry shortcake Haagen Dazs
sex

What is on your to do list today?
washing linens
lunch with french conversation
and any three of the above snacks

5 things to do if l become a billionaire (or millionaire, even thousandaire would be cool)
help children with facial disfigurements in third world countries
set up a trust to help cancer victims receive appropriate unavailable on nhs drugs
get myself a house, with library and garden
own a beach hut
buy some Art

a key to the song of life

the doorbell rang
whilst England scored their first goal

and the treasurer from the 

Chatsworth Garden Residents' Committee

handed me this key... my key

I took leave from the football match 

and with camera in hand

to capture and share with you
my first moments discovering my secret garden

the dusty original 1855  iron locks 

on one of several gates

I am inside...

and locked the gate behind me...

l think l spy a clearing..

l do...and wow!

and l see another...

and another smaller one...

this one is 'only' 28 paces across

more...

l am overwhelmed by its size

it makes me think of the tardis,

from the outside it appears smaller

another locked gate...

the light is amazing

and it is nearly 9pm

there are five grassed areas, separated by

a perimeter of bushes and trees...

this area is by far the largest...

old trees,  reach out high and over my head...

oh my!! tomorrow l shall go scouting for a couple of deckchairs...

and dust off my easel...

 a padlocked double gate
looking out to my street...

on thursday after a friend of  friend contacted me to tell me about access etc....
l phoned the council and got contact details for the private residents committee
-of course if figures that they all live right behind me!
on friday l wrote to the Treasurer asking if it were possible
for a very close by resident might apply for access
on saturday I received the application form and information,
which l returned immediately and two hours later,
 the kind man brought me my key...

ALL this for £10 a month..
I KNOW l'm worth it!

(all images enlarge)

next time -  the old trees from the garden

the original and the best..

need l say more?

small moments

... these are the forces

 which make up the power within the day

that sustain and keep us from the darkness in our lives...

yesterday as l walked away,

l had been draping the washing to dry 

at the bathroom window

full of  warm breezes,

l heard a tune

a light melodious picking

following me up through the hallway

l slowly stopped, carefully turned and retraced my steps
lest it stopped entirely...

out of the window l watched

amid the tangle of  fabric hung about ....

I was enchanted and l saw a  man

can you?

The Secret Garden

As the weather gets better

and the sun shines through

As the evenings get longer 

and l struggle with the heat in the apartment

(and my own fluctuating temperatures)

I long to be sitting quietly

amongst the branches and the greenery

of my own secret garden

this is Chatsworth Square

a Victorian residential town square

designed for the great and the good of Victorian Carlisle

the garden is chained and locked,

there only for the residents of the square

my road runs behind the square and 

I can peek out over

to this greenery from my kitchen and bathroom windows

if l stretch and crane my neck

last week I wrote of the beckoning lilacs, 

and how l  poached a handful of blooms 

the lush square

offers four gates within its belt of  ironwork fencing

north, south, east and west facing

this is the south gate

... which l dream would be my gate!

l peer through and covet the space

seemingly unspoiled,

lightly maintained not highly manicured

it calls to me

l feel its pull,

a tension as l walk past

a healing place

to rest 

to mend
and take time

I want in, 

I need in...

(I have a plan...

no...l shall not climb nor trespass...

watch this space!)