dating blind

....ugh!! I have always said, I don't want to date! I really loathe the idea! I haven't ever really done it.... oh a few times way back in the 1900's...

If I'm meant to meet someone then he'll find me, this makes sense dontcha think? The few relationships I've had, and I think they total TWO in my adult life, we've just happened upon each other.. et voila!

To arrange, and manipulate strikes me that I will appear desperate! And that I am not...well maybe a bit, though not to meet, greet and marry you understand, been there done that.. I cannot imagine doing that again, aint gonna have more kids so what is the point!

So the story is, my pal knows a guy, a work colleague....and apparently told him that he should meet me, as in she thinks we are suited...now bear in mind she knows my story, knows how I feel about dating and knows that although I am 'open' to the idea.. I kind of can't be arsed....and yet she knows I have needs. Well not necessarily those kind of needs, (omg lets not go there) the kind of, lets have some fun needs, share a meal, watch a film (all the way through!), yes companionship is the word I'm chasing...simples?!

anyway..my pal is having a get together with work pals, as I work around the corner she is gonna ask me too...now I know I am protesting just a tad too much perhaps....but it is terrifying, he has seen a pic of me, (at my best, no specs, spanx under the dress taken last summer) I have no idea what I am in for....except, he is said to be tall, blonde, handsome, single (most important, but why is he still single??) works out (oh great, I do not, I am all flip floppy) doesn't smoke (I do ), dances (I cannot!) and the down side is that he is younger than me, (been there done that, got first degree burns, so not a good idea, makes me feel like an experiment)... I may feel 17 inside but I certainly am old enough to know better...

What am I to do, just get with the program?? I think it's less stressful to stay home with Monty...

My pal says, 'do you think Saz that I would introduce you to a boring twat?'

I guess not... watch this space

Saz x

morning glorious...

no longer dragging my bones into

my stuffy uniform

and sloughing my feet down the hill 

to a long day of boredom, 

with too much time to think
I have a new purpose,
into which I can channel my energies and drive...

I now am a whirling dervish of enthusiasm,
bustle and hustle
and my days, often all seven of them,
have a focus, at my new store
that is challenging and exciting,
a pulse long overdue

... and so begins each new day

as I grab some juice, a cuppa 

and toast,

and pad into the back yard...

the sun is already hotting up, 

and the blazing sunlight
enhances the home grown florals

I can't help but smile
 in response to this morning glorious
which greets me,
at the start of my day...

who knows
what the day will bring...!

Saz x

not there yet

not there yet.... 

if I let go it may no longer feel real...

I still want him so....

Saz x

still

when it's real
you still live in the moment

when it's real
you can still feel it

when it's real
you still want him
need him

when it's real
you can still see him

when it's real
you can still feel him

when it's real
you still want to share every little thing

when it's real
you think about him all the time

when it's real
you still love him

when it's real
you still throb at the thought

when it's real
you still can't believe it

when it's real
you still smile

when it's real
it's never over

.............. even when it is

Saz March 2013

Introducing 'Warwick Tower'

I've been quiet for a month or so now, but I have been oh so busy!

As you know in the background I have been plotting with my biz partner Stuart; after the success of our Vintage fairs we decided over a year ago to take time to find premises, which was no cheap task as commercial property rents are very expensive on the high street. Undeterred we finally found a venue in an old iconic city centre building above a long established cooker shop, over three floors, containing 13 rooms of very differing sizes.

Stuart and I are like-minded in our passion for vintage fashion and all things antique, vintage and retro and dedicated to helping others unable to hit the high street flying solo, to begin their dreams by getting together and building within a community seeking similar goals. We have both had a terrible year in our personal lives,  full of drama and heartache and although these feelings and pain resonate still, I believe that he, like myself, needed a new challenge and a purpose to fill our unhappy and and lacklustre lives. We are both resilient and have vision and I am thankful for this, else I wouldn't, nay couldn't, have done this without him.
Thanks Stuart.

And so today in the middle of our lovelee Launch Weekend, two weeks after getting the keys to the front door, it has begun...

just found this review by a friendly visitor to our preview evening on friday...
http://soozintheshed.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/the-opening-of-warwick-tower.html

the following links take you to our facebook pages, the Before and After ...so if you are signed up you can get a look inside..if not sign up take a peek, then cancel, you don't have to post anything or start a page...

D-Day minus 2 weeks @warwick tower, Carlisle, Cumbria

warwick tower launch weekend

And so now I am living my career dream, I resign from the Museum after ten years on Monday, I am excited and a wee bit scared...it is a dream come true, it can happen! Mostly it does not...I know that, but I can still hope for some things, can't I? Even though they seem impossible from where I am sitting....

Never give up eh?

Saz x

unexpected MOT

yesterday was one of those days, it was completely out of my control! I had been at work an hour when suddenly out of nowhere, a searing red pain halted me in my tracks, right through my sternum and proceeded to move around my chest to settle in the back..breathless and clammy I gingerly walked to reception and got cover...and went and sat outside with a glass of water...

One hour later I was admitted into hospital, chest really painful.. it felt like major muscle cramps but I could tell everyone at work was concerned I was having a heart attack. One Tracer, Ecg, blood tests, chest xray, cannula, painkillers and the magic aspirin later...and I dozed most of the afternoon away, despite the poor old lady with dementia beside me, continuously shouting, 'what shall I do....lay down and die!'

The Consultant visited and proclaimed me healthy in heart, bloods and chest, telling me that I had probably had  Oesophageal Spasms and linked it to my ibs, reassuring me that the first episode is similar to heart pains and that I had done the right thing getting it checked out.

Feeling like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards (and not in a good kinky way), and quite refreshed for my daytime sleeps, I got dressed and went home, greeted by one hungry cat and my beckoning bed.
Well I did get a free MOT out of the day and seemingly a clean bill of health!

Saz x

looking in the mirror...

I am in reflective mood and in a bit of a rut,

whilst trying to make things work,

I'm swinging from low to high,

back and forth...

I find writing down my mish-mash of thoughts always helps

and so I'm thinking about how in the last three years,

my long marriage broke up, 

I moved house with my son,

in the process my daughter withdrew from me.

I got divorced.

A lovely man found me and then I lost him.

My son left home for university and

my mum fought a year long cancer battle,

then died.

I moved house, again.

Now I am at a crossroads, 

no responsibilities other than myself, 

with no real social or personal life, 

I am focusing on the things I CAN change,

new business waiting in the wings, 

or rather the red tape to be cut through, 

then day by day, I begin..

written out like this and read over and over,

it reads like a pity party (well it is, I am)

but I always get up in the morning and begin again,

day after day... 

I want more... so quitting isn't an option

but jeez is it tough...

two steps forward, one step back, 

it's all progress

saz x