Fab, Feisty and Sixty (ish)

just reflecting some on the year that was.......  and if I think clearly, which admittedly is a little difficult at this very end of the year, I actually have to confess it was in the most part good in fact I would even go so far as to say a large part of it was great, even special. However, that best part of it, remains in my pocket, to reflect upon later when l am stronger. My divorce in September was a huge milestone to reach, kinda crept up upon me as living through it and past it, my feeling was that it was a long time coming. Well yes in fact a longer time coming than just the legal aspects...years long overdue, and that is down to me too. I couldn't do it, even though I should have. I don't give up easily and until presented with a fait accomplis, a no choice scenario, l caved. It wasn't worth fighting for. As Joni says, '..l look at life from both sides now, from win and lose, and still somehow its lifes illusions l recall...I really don't know love at...

...am so not! there has been a lot of 'rocky' but not in the dancin' sense and not in the Sly Stallone sense either...more like a rocky road, without the chocolate topping. I jest, but then one needs to joke or else heads will explode and who would clear up the mess! It is Christmas day already and as per usual my eyes won't shut. Mind won't stop thinking. So in a minute l'll sup another cuppa camomile tea and lay in the dark counting virtual maltesers! I've spent a  quite and simple evening, in a candle lit room and by god did it get warm, l wouldn't have thought that candles give off that much heat but the Galileo thermometer even stopped working! My son and I watched 'It's a wonderful life', as is tradition on christmas eve in this house and of course I wept on cue. I am looking forward to the morning, which is nearly here, as lordy it's already 3.20am. Santa has been and left overflowing stockings for the 'kids'. My so...

ahhh  my new goosey quilt...heaven (uh well almost!) icing the Christmas cake...now just have to wait till Christmas day for the first slice, why is that, what stops us from having a slice sooner? the twinkling of the fairy lights draped over the mantelpiece and bookshelves...think l'll leave them there after Christmas  they are lovely making another list...and checking it twice listening to christmas carols, whilst wrapping yet another 'last' impulse buy for under the tree silent night , why does it make my eyes leak? flickering candles out of the corner of my eye... on my bedside...a warm red comforting glow the rustling of this new quilt whilst I type in bed...thankful for the company of its noise in the quiet the sound of far away traffic through the slightly open window, gently reminding me there is something going on out there... my son thumping down the stairs from his attic hideaway, from time to time, scav...

like I need to come home a while. ...I hope no one minds. I can't put my finger on it, but I have been drawn back here the last few weeks, quietly loitering. Perhaps its 'cos my new blog is now dedicated to updates about my Mama, and so I don't feel l should be writing about me and mine. So I have dusted it down and redecorated in a soothing tone to suit my mood. So I'm gonna post here and there as and when  I feel like. Cos I CAN!! Since I last posted, life has changed dramatically here; obviously in September I was granted my divorce and that was a incredible relief. However a downturn in Moannie's health has changed everything, my perspective in terms of it's the NOW that is important and that I should grab that thing by its balls and run with it, sod those thoughts that screw you over thinking about them ad infinitum. Do it Sara! But what that thing I'm gonna run with is, has yet to present itself..... though l do have a few new ideas l am kicking ...