Fab, Feisty and Sixty (ish)

there are so many silences.. all are a deafness that defies all words, moments chosen, friendships thwarted, a need to control the unknown I chose silence, but the white noise resents my reasoning, fear and self loathing take over the lease, as we run from our shadows and cleave pathways in the wilderness, hacking away at distrust that is only mine, fear must be owned l can do that but will I trust me again will you

family and colleagues, just because .... thanks x

It twists, and curls its tendrils rising high above me Bewitched, I glance at the almost full moon clear and luminous its glow reflected into my eyes feeding me and upon the snow lined path before me A hanging fog like the shawl around me, a translucent flourish of paisley coil, a wisp that disappears in seconds I exhale and momentarily it's in sight again only to vanish as I reach out elusive in the dark It leaves its odour on my flesh, I feel and smell it close, taste it, lick and bite my lips tantalising and teasing, I inhale to catch the magic deep within my creases my heart pounds as it burns way down, my throat aches am light of head Moments stolen upon my stoop a pack of lies in my pocket Sara

l am giver, never a leaver I am sister, never a sibling I am leader, rarely a follower l am keeper, never a deserter I am teacher, never a preacher I am listener, always a shoulder l am worker, never a shirker I am stayer, never a faker I am sayer, always a friend I am sinner, sometimes a player I am hoper, never a runner I am singer, always a song I am a believer, never a no hoper I am lover, never a hater I am woman, always a warrior Sara x

' ... and I need you more than want you..', gets me every time and catches in my throat

SONNET 20 A woman's face with Nature's own hand painted Hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion; A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted With shifting change, as is false women's fashion; An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling, Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth; A man in hue, all 'hues' in his controlling, Much steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth. And for a woman wert thou first created; Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting, And by addition me of thee defeated, By adding one thing to my purpose nothing. But since she prick'd thee out for women's pleasure, Mine be thy love and thy love's use their treasure. Rufus Wainwright

A train with a view lucky capture stone wall in winter Ribblehead Viaduct ? I believe at Moannie's my old new best friend, Milou dog walking every afternoon blows away any cobwebs revisiting old haunts realigning memories and misspent deeds Reculver Towers Minnis Bay & Margate in the walkable distance

To  avoid profound and expensive repairs to this blogger, it has been deemed necessary to close down at regular intervals. I have decided to adopt a planned approach to these periodical rest days. Most necessary to sustain and replenish, and hopefully involve much body tune ups in a prostrate position, supine and floating in a bath of gin. A handsome infertile flexible male to peel me grapes and feed my whims.  So for the nest few days, I shall be unavailable due to routine maintenance.  To keep this blogger running smoothly,it may be prudent to install flash players, oh yeah baby! In other words - l'm driving  letting the train take the strain down to the parents, Moannie and JP for some tlc. Which will no doubt include the prostrate position on couch, watching with mother; Milou on hand to pet; some deep meaningful lunches with a strong Latin edge; much rolling of eyes and side aching laughter.  Back next week. ...

the rains subside resentment washes into the gutters and the watchman unseen cold under the street light onside the snows came and chilled my blazing heart burning my lungs threatening to crush leaving hard choices much love, empathy and words  shored up my hunger three women in defiance led me through the listening gate and I emerge strengthened for me it is now done the shame of having lost myself within a fog of dull, empty expectations my truth revealed one more l can forgive and leave its smell upon those that did not see me did not care to see a gate unlatched by unwitting hands he left me open and wanting the sap rises daily shedding a layer until l could ache no longer the watchman showed me the way harvesting a cleansing flame licking the shames and secrets into the fire leaving my sallow skin ashen and dry my hopes, our failures discarded without reference no longer enabling or colluding,  defiant l rise to capture the moments that are only mi...

Christmas is forcing itself upon Carlisle I helped run a stall/shed/shack/shop thingy in the town centre over the weekend freeZINg weather, snow and no chill factor thank god it was a pr event for the Museum and we had some fun and kept warmer than expected I tried to capture our surroundings