I wait...

La joie venait toujours apres la peine. 
Joy always came after pain. 

G. Apollinaire

just because...

left for me by Kim...

I SHALL PAINT MY NAILS RED

by Carole Satyamurti

Because a bit of colour is a public service.

Because I am proud of my hands.

Because it will remind me I'm a woman.

Because I will look like a survivor.

Because I can admire them in traffic jams.

Because my daughter will say ugh.

Because my lover will be surprised. (?)

Because it is quicker than dyeing my hair.

Because it is a ten-minute moratorium.

Because it is reversible.

gathering lilacs

In a rush to get to the store 

I performed an illegal turn in the middle of the road

and noticed the private gated square was offering up 

an explosion of lilacs in full purple hued bloom, 

l left the car running, door open 

and galloped to the railings 

dismissing the heady scent threatening my sinus'

and grabbed several random stems 

a handful of joy

all images enlarge 

         

                                              

               

                                            

and a few words from Ivor Novello...
We'll gather lilacs in the spring again
And walk together down an English lane
Until our hearts have learned to sing again
When you come home once more

And in the evening by the firelight's glow
You'll hold me close and never let me go
Your eyes will tell me all I need to know
When you come home once more

We'll gather lilacs in the spring again
And walk together down an English lane
Until our hearts have learned to sing again
When you come home once more

And in the evening by the firelight's glow
You'll hold me tight and never let me go
Your eyes will tell me all I want to know

When you come home once more
When you come home once more
When you come home once more
Ivor Novello

new leaves

           

    

l love the colour and shapes 

of new leaves 

on the trees

just after they have rolled open

their newborn light green

shimmering thinness

fluttering

hesitantly at first

in the spring breeze

 tentative first steps 

 a constant which fills my window

and greets me daily

the cycle of life

and renewal

Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

He wears it well

a Rodtastic evening...

you wear it well!

Have l told you lately?

hot legs!

the crooner

 and who stole the show?

contrived or no, 

his son 5 year old Alastair brought on a drawing for Daddy

into the mike he said 'hello Newcastle'

biggest cheer of the night!

Warming the home...

Traditionally housewarmings celebrate the move into a new house which has been plotted and planned for amid much excitement. My recent house move was anything but that on several levels. But on friday evening l had a flat warming which surpassed all expectations!

Persuaded by a girlfriend who endlessly asked me to 'make the effort... go on it'll do you good..'.. until l collapsed under the pressure. l girded my loins, inappropriately perhaps, and I gave out the invitations two weeks ago for a '...tea party from 4pm, followed by something stronger from 8pm...'

I invited friends and work colleagues, old and new; and at 4pm on the dot, whilst l was still applying my eyebrows and lippy, two guests arrived and from then on until early evening over 24 people arrived, some just popped in, other stayed a good few hours, some lingered until after midnight.

The evening was just lovely. Everyone was very kind, supportive and encouraging. Three of my son's infant teachers attended (I used to work with them also) and it was wonderful catching up with each others stories. I think even after he left the safety of his room, having previously said, 'I have no wish to watch a group of fifty somethings get wasted!'  he seemingly quite enjoyed meeting his infant teachers again and seeing the place busy with friends and colleagues. Before he left for his own evening out.

Our living room, attic room, kitchen and stairs was dusted with people who reflected life, wisdom and  an attitude of loyalty which  l cannot help but absorb and be overwhelmed by. The atmosphere in the flat is still suffused with the colours and scent of the cala lilies, tulips and roses, not to mention cases of wine and the bottles of Bombay gin l now own!

I feel a key moment has just passed and l got through it wrapped in a protective blanket of supporters, and  that l have been injected with a vial of confidence and optimism. I hope there are few spares handy, just in case l need a top up!

singledom

the joys of singledom
having my king size bed to myself
tidying up less, less mess
not having to ask, consider nor compromise
my mind is clearer less fogged
time, lots of time
items of my choosing, my taste
fresh flowers
books more books and then some
a busy coffee table
singing out loud
a cluttered home as opposed to a minimalist
no sshhhh  shushing
a new found interest in girlishness
less clock watching
plates of steamed green veg, buttered & peppered
chocolate in bed
excitement at what could be...
what l want, when I want and where l want...

the sadness of singledom
having my king size bed to myself
feeling selfish
no shared moments of unspoken understanding
shared histories
being more than just myself, extending beyond self
no more family moments,
chocolate in bed
guilt, loss, guilt
long, long nights
no one to rub my back, keep me warm
more time than l know what to do with, for now...
lonely, but not alone...

...the future is a vast land of possibility

Window seat

l sit perched upon my bar chair

a steaming cup of tea breathes succour

and a book placed aptly for company

a pretty pen and empty paper,
nearby at the ready

a staple to exhort rheumy thoughts

the kitchen window is painted shut

listed, it waits permission to open

and take in the fresh spring air

the washing machine whirls defiantly

cracking the peace

longer it seems than usual

l wait for silence

edging toward the low part of the day,

the sun beams through the window

promising 

so much more

basket case anyone?

okay, yeah, so some of my posts and poetic writings hover on the side of melancholy, and that's ok.
l've only recently separated from my husband, it's not been three months, and l'm not a basket case if you are worrying, so don't, l am fine, in fact l think l'm better than fine. I've been unhappy for sometime, l am able to see this more clearly than before,
when l just believed myself to be mildly depressed, which it turns out l haven't been actually and l am reassured that  unhappiness manifests itself identically,
in fact unhappiness can make one depressed but not depressive,
there is a difference and to me that makes a difference. Perspective.

last year l was wallowing in the loneliness of the impeding empty next syndrome, albeit two years in advance, now with the situation brought to a head by others, my daughter now lives with her father, well someone has to l guess, cos it aint gonna be me, so she has left earlier and my pondering on gloom was wasted time and energy

I now have a newborn verve for the future
l'm back inside the pockets of anything can happen
and mistress of my own destiny..... and l find this exciting!!!
No need to get out the willow

just yet...