Fab, Feisty and Sixty (ish)

La joie venait toujours apres la peine.   Joy always came after pain.   G. Apollinaire

left for me by Kim... I SHALL PAINT MY NAILS RED by Carole Satyamurti Because a bit of colour is a public service. Because I am proud of my hands. Because it will remind me I'm a woman. Because I will look like a survivor. Because I can admire them in traffic jams. Because my daughter will say ugh. Because my lover will be surprised. (?) Because it is quicker than dyeing my hair. Because it is a ten-minute moratorium. Because it is reversible.

In a rush to get to the store  I performed an illegal turn in the middle of the road and noticed the private gated square was offering up  an explosion of lilacs in full purple hued bloom,  l left the car running, door open  and galloped to the railings  dismissing the heady scent threatening my sinus' and grabbed several random stems  a handful of joy all images enlarge                                                                                                                        and a few words from Ivor Novello... We'll gather lilacs in the spring again And walk together down an English lane Until our hearts have...

                  l love the colour and shapes  of new leaves  on the trees just after they have rolled open their newborn light green shimmering thinness fluttering hesitantly at first in the spring breeze  tentative first steps   a constant which fills my window and greets me daily the cycle of life and renewal Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

a Rodtastic evening... you wear it well! Have l told you lately? hot legs! the crooner  and who stole the show? contrived or no,  his son 5 year old Alastair brought on a drawing for Daddy into the mike he said 'hello Newcastle' biggest cheer of the night!

Traditionally housewarmings celebrate the move into a new house which has been plotted and planned for amid much excitement. My recent house move was anything but that on several levels. But on friday evening l had a flat warming which surpassed all expectations! Persuaded by a girlfriend who endlessly asked me to ' make the effort... go on it'll do you good ..'.. until l collapsed under the pressure. l girded my loins, inappropriately perhaps, and I gave out the invitations two weeks ago for a '... tea party from 4pm, followed by something stronger from 8pm... ' I invited friends and work colleagues, old and new; and at 4pm on the dot, whilst l was still applying my eyebrows and lippy, two guests arrived and from then on until early evening over 24 people arrived, some just popped in, other stayed a good few hours, some lingered until after midnight. The evening was just lovely. Everyone was very kind, supportive and encouraging. Three of ...

the joys of singledom having my king size bed to myself tidying up less, less mess not having to ask, consider nor compromise my mind is clearer less fogged time, lots of time items of my choosing, my taste fresh flowers books more books and then some a busy coffee table singing out loud a cluttered home as opposed to a minimalist no sshhhh  shushing a new found interest in girlishness less clock watching plates of steamed green veg, buttered & peppered chocolate in bed excitement at what could be... what l want, when I want and where l want... the sadness of singledom having my king size bed to myself feeling selfish no shared moments of unspoken understanding shared histories being more than just myself, extending beyond self no more family moments, chocolate in bed guilt, loss, guilt long, long nights no one to rub my back, keep me warm more time than l know what to do with, for now... lonely, but not alone... ...

l sit perched upon my bar chair a steaming cup of tea breathes succour and a book placed aptly for company a pretty pen and empty paper, nearby at the ready a staple to exhort rheumy thoughts the kitchen window is painted shut listed, it waits permission to open and take in the fresh spring air the washing machine whirls defiantly cracking the peace longer it seems than usual l wait for silence edging toward the low part of the day, the sun beams through the window promising  so much more

okay, yeah, so some of my posts and poetic writings hover on the side of melancholy, and that's ok. l've only recently separated from my husband, it's not been three months, and l'm not a basket case if you are worrying, so don't, l am fine, in fact l think l'm better than fine. I've been unhappy for sometime, l am able to see this more clearly than before, when l just believed myself to be mildly depressed, which it turns out l haven't been actually and l am reassured that  unhappiness manifests itself identically, in fact unhappiness can make one depressed but not depressive, there is a difference and to me that makes a difference. Perspective. last year l was wallowing in the loneliness of the impeding empty next syndrome, albeit two years in advance, now with the situation brought to a head by others, my daughter now lives with her father, well someone has to l guess, cos it aint gonna be me, so she has left earlier and my pondering on gloom ...