love IS blind

keep your eye on the door
watch or you may miss it

awakening from the cloud which is motherhood
I felt stupor and numbness
I was disinclined to rent the energy required
to salve and save
the tattered remnants
of our love

we began with open eyed fervour
and launched upon this climb together
with passion and humour
lusting and drenched in our ardour
we melted through nearly four decades together
bound by need and discovery

fueled by expensive taste and wine
our langour misplaced amongst offspring
and  the 9-5 cut through our vigour

believing that destiny had  bound us
my assumptions were cheap
presumptions worthless,
moreover intentions must be actioned
or else rendered invalid

living beyond our means
we became drenched in the greed of spend
cutting losses and running for the border
brought peace and renewal

ultimately disillusioned at our lack lustre
we trailed deep footprints of disappointment,
gnawing silently at our very foundations
the rats left their runs and bruised us with their stench

I cannot fight if others lay down their arms
but I do not surrender,
I stand guard for
if they are not at my door,
my children to come to my gate

this chasm in our living
is torture laid bare,
sooner than I expected
the beloveds are wrought from my arms
and l am listless, worn and trodden

and
I
just
wait
and
I live
and I breathe

waiting
to be needed

perhaps,
even loved.



SFW  14/02/10

Done

..as so many people have asked after me, l felt I owed you guys an explanation, if only a brief one for now.

Last weekend my husband asked for a separation. Our 18 yr old daughter has decided to remain with him in the family home. I am not comfortable talking about it here right now. My blogs are not a secret, so I don't feel able to vent my heart out here. Suffice it to say Larry and I are separating and so are the children geographically, if less than a mile apart. This is excruciatingly painful. I am not happy with this outcome, but there it is. 35 years together is a long time.

I do not know how this will pan out, I will just roll with it. We now have to legally separate and I have to find a suitable home for my son and I. We hope the children will come and go freely between them both.

I am trying to be brave and formidable instead of the weak, weepy and needy mush that lay inside me. My hope is that the children come through this whole and that we can steer them through their forthcoming exams with our support and love.

I just have to remember to breathe.

I'm sorry

Due to unforeseen personal circumstances I am taking leave from the blog,  reluctantly. When l return, which l plan to soon, I shall endeavour to explain.

I will miss you all greatly, but l will still lurk and comment and you can still leave a message here. Or email me.

For now,
love

Saz x

My Sky

Sunset at Keri

Zakynthos Greece

Sublime

For more skies, visit hosts/hostesses

Sandy Carlson, Louise, Sylvia, Klaus, Wren, & Fishing Guy

at the Sky Command Center!

Miscellaneous Monday #6

I was faffing around with my camera

in the gardens at my work

during a tea break in the summer

and I thrust the camera down into the foliage

pointing the lens skywards

and this was the result

a tad abstract