Friday, 15 March 2013

unexpected MOT

yesterday was one of those days, it was completely out of my control! I had been at work an hour when suddenly out of nowhere, a searing red pain halted me in my tracks, right through my sternum and proceeded to move around my chest to settle in the back..breathless and clammy I gingerly walked to reception and got cover...and went and sat outside with a glass of water...

One hour later I was admitted into hospital, chest really painful.. it felt like major muscle cramps but I could tell everyone at work was concerned I was having a heart attack. One Tracer, Ecg, blood tests, chest xray, cannula, painkillers and the magic aspirin later...and I dozed most of the afternoon away, despite the poor old lady with dementia beside me, continuously shouting, 'what shall I do....lay down and die!'

The Consultant visited and proclaimed me healthy in heart, bloods and chest, telling me that I had probably had  Oesophageal Spasms and linked it to my ibs, reassuring me that the first episode is similar to heart pains and that I had done the right thing getting it checked out.

Feeling like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards (and not in a good kinky way), and quite refreshed for my daytime sleeps, I got dressed and went home, greeted by one hungry cat and my beckoning bed.
Well I did get a free MOT out of the day and seemingly a clean bill of health!

Saz x

Monday, 11 March 2013

looking in the mirror...


I am in reflective mood and in a bit of a rut,
whilst trying to make things work,
I'm swinging from low to high,
back and forth...
I find writing down my mish-mash of thoughts always helps
and so I'm thinking about how in the last three years,
my long marriage broke up, 
I moved house with my son,
in the process my daughter withdrew from me.
I got divorced.
A lovely man found me and then I lost him.
My son left home for university and
my mum fought a year long cancer battle,
then died.
I moved house, again.
Now I am at a crossroads, 
no responsibilities other than myself, 
with no real social or personal life, 
I am focusing on the things I CAN change,
new business waiting in the wings, 
or rather the red tape to be cut through, 
then day by day, I begin..

written out like this and read over and over,
it reads like a pity party (well it is, I am)
but I always get up in the morning and begin again,
day after day... 

I want more... so quitting isn't an option
but jeez is it tough...
two steps forward, one step back, 
it's all progress

saz x