Fun, Feisty & Fabulous...

yesterday was one of those days, it was completely out of my control! I had been at work an hour when suddenly out of nowhere, a searing red pain halted me in my tracks, right through my sternum and proceeded to move around my chest to settle in the back..breathless and clammy I gingerly walked to reception and got cover...and went and sat outside with a glass of water...

One hour later I was admitted into hospital, chest really painful.. it felt like major muscle cramps but I could tell everyone at work was concerned I was having a heart attack. One Tracer, Ecg, blood tests, chest xray, cannula, painkillers and the magic aspirin later...and I dozed most of the afternoon away, despite the poor old lady with dementia beside me, continuously shouting, 'what shall I do....lay down and die!'

The Consultant visited and proclaimed me healthy in heart, bloods and chest, telling me that I had probably had  Oesophageal Spasms and linked it to my ibs, reassuring me that the first episod…

I am in reflective mood and in a bit of a rut, whilst trying to make things work, I'm swinging from low to high, back and forth... I find writing down my mish-mash of thoughts always helps and so I'm thinking about how in the last three years, my long marriage broke up,  I moved house with my son, in the process my daughter withdrew from me. I got divorced. A lovely man found me and then I lost him. My son left home for university and my mum fought a year long cancer battle, then died. I moved house, again. Now I am at a crossroads,  no responsibilities other than myself,  with no real social or personal life,  I am focusing on the things I CAN change, new business waiting in the wings,  or rather the red tape to be cut through,  then day by day, I begin..
written out like this and read over and over, it reads like a pity party (well it is, I am) but I always get up in the morning and begin again, day after day... 
I want more... so quitting isn't an option but jeez is it…