Sunday, 20 October 2013

as sleep eludes me

I find myself meandering through blogland and rifling through others' pages and places ,
I know I should avoid some, they only serve to remind where I cannot go... 

I have been overwhelmed with my new business in a good way and I wrap myself up in it by day and evening, my passion and now my bread and butter is one. A dream come true....you would think that would satisfy but it does not entirely. There is still this void.
Once full of family life, my children, my mum and a tie that binds, I now wander through my busy days, hands busy, mind full of tasks outstanding, plotting and planning, endless list making, all a joy,
but my heart is heavy and I cannot fill this gaping empty hole... I miss so much, and so many.
Still, I keep busy....

It has been a year already and so Moannie's/Mum's first anniversary two weeks ago was spent with my brother and sister, who made the road trip up to Carlisle. The first time anyone has been to visit me from down home, since I moved here as a weary wife and a besotted mum,  almost 18 years ago....

we knew it was a gift Mum would have wanted more than anything else, to see her three kids reunited after years of estrangement....her illness brought us together with a purpose, but her death has brought us together in friendship and for that I am thankful.

I took them on a whistle stop tour from Gretna Green, to Castlerigg Stone circle (one of my favourite places) to Keswick, Derwentwater, Grasmere, Windermere, Bowness, a three ' man ' boat trip, onto Kendal, Shap and Penrith and returning to Carlisle and food...they also visited my business Warwick Tower .
We remembered and talked about Mum a lot of the time and had some silent time in the Cathedral...which was interrupted, oddly, by an in house Jazz band...oh God how she would have laughed and loved that...as did we.

heres a few pics of our time...
siblings messing about

london girl in cashmere layers and high heels, optimistic brother forgot his coat

should have put them on the stage mrs worthington

me, big sis...attempting to hide my fear of water not being knee deep

one of the most perfect and peaceful places in the Lake District

Derwentwater

just like our Mum, sis can always strike a  glam pose


I can't help but notice a slight family resemblance
Saz x

6 comments:

  1. I did think of your mama the other week.....and hoped that your dad was doing well. What lovely photos and how wonderful to see siblings together.

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  2. There is a certain family familiarity between the three of you.

    I can't believe it is over a year since your Mum passed on. Where is the time going?

    It was my brother's marriage falling apart that finally got us back together after years ignoring and avoiding each other. Today he phoned me within 10 mins of becoming a Granddad to share the news - and I was his best man at his marriage at Gretna three years ago. We're going back there this year just for a night whilst heading to the Highlands for a holiday him and his wife, me and mine ... who'd have thought that would happen 10 years ago - we barely spoke then.

    Good news on business - but I hope you find a way for not all work and no fun.

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  3. A silver lining to your loss
    - a year already :( - Miss her heaps

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  4. For some reason this post didn't come up on my blogroll and I found it by accident. Lovely to see you in action again. I'm scared stiff if the water beneath me is over my ankles - didn't know we had that in common!

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  5. Oh yes, Moannie would have loved that! xxx

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  6. Wonderful pics again Saz. I've so missed you here.

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Thanks for stopping by!

Take the weight of your feet, draw up a chair and pour yourself a cuppa. Leave your troubles at the door and together we shall ride out the storms.
I will walk a while in your shoes...

Saz x