Saturday, 27 October 2012

endings...

they say everything comes to an end, and we all know this to be true.
In nature and life we go through cycles ad infinitum,
the thing of it is we know this, but the living of it sometimes is more than difficult.
each cycle, like the seasons, renew and end and mostly we hardly notice as the joins are seemingly inviisible. It's only with retrospect and perspective can we look back and see where those turns and bends in our roads actually took place.

The mistakes made
bad choices
wrong decisions.
often times we don't bother with regret
just the knowing is enough.
We roll our proverbial sleeves up and plod on, and on...

In the last twelve months, the bends, sharp corners and blind summits have been obvious. Every step of the way has been painful. Most of the year has been utterly out of my control and I have just had to follow through, masking the pain, sadness and the fear. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Not something I wanted to think about. Inevitable yes, at some time in the future, but I expected small breaks and hiccups. Not endings and partings one after another. I knew it was coming.. not perhaps best prepared, for the deep feeling of emptiness is overwhelming.

My mother, my daughter, my son, my lover.

I can only watch and wait,
                              hope and believe.


'If you love someone,
set them free,
if they come back,
they're yours,
if they don't they never were.'           Richard Bach

saz x

back soon with cheerier stuff..

9 comments:

  1. Sleeves rolled up and plodding on is sometimes the only and best way to go...just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other and breathing regularly.....I have no comforting words for you but am sending good thoughts and wishes x

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    1. good thoughts and wishes...what more can one want or need!!

      saz xx

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  2. You have my sympathy. Your son will come back from uni, though won't he?

    Keep going, something good must come to fill these spaces. Nothing can replace a lost mother though.

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    1. he will be back yes, for a week here and there...and now in july he is off for a year at Uni in Canada..so now I have to think and dream for myself only...

      saz x

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  4. She Writes10:53 PM, November 02, 2012

    EEEK I left out a key word "EX"!!

    Ohhhhhhhhhh, I am sorry for all your loss. I relate to many levels of it, minus the lover. My first and last and only lover since my divorce is my current love. He is the first true lover I have ever had. I hope in time you discover a love that proves what you had more empty than full. My ex-husband knew nothing of really loving or being a lover. I hope if you have truly lost a good man that there is one better suited around the corner somewhere. It is a very healing thing to discover!

    As for your mum, I will never forget a story she wrote about being in an orphanage. I am so sorry for your loss!

    I am glad to see you back. I will visit when I can. I barely blog :).

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    1. thanks for your empathy, it means a lot...
      l'm on the turn and won;t be beaten down...
      I believe....

      saz xx

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  5. I thought I must have left a reply here, Saz, but I see that I didn't. You know how I feel about your losses, I think. If not, let me tell you: they suck. And it hurts, eh? But keep in mind there are hundreds of virtual shoulders out here for you to lean on, mine included. If you ever feel like spilling your guts to someone, I'm glad to listen. Also, if you ever find yourself in my area of the world, rest assured you are invited for Thanksgiving (or any other dinner.)

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    1. I luv you Jim..and yes I'll be there!! Mum would never forgive me if I was within a thousand miles and didn't drop by! ha xx

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Thanks for stopping by!

Take the weight of your feet, draw up a chair and pour yourself a cuppa. Leave your troubles at the door and together we shall ride out the storms.
I will walk a while in your shoes...

Saz x