Sunday, 16 January 2011

yet still l waited...

I wrote this last year on new years day... it had been in my bones for years, yet still I waited. It is now done and I am no longer lost, just floating on a contemplative moment


Pockets of Change

she is still,
agly perched on the bed
unnoticed,
the safer option

a perifery of pain
in every road crossing,

each dusty word
 hangs heavy and hot
in the stale air
cleft an open silence,


skulking into her apron,
clenched fists
slammed deep
into the pockets
of change


the thin ties that bind
are taut
sinew like
cutting into her back
leaving deep wales


her skin searing
with heat
itching to be scratched,
her nails dig deep,
loughing up flesh
to feel, must feel it


her darkness shadows
misshapen memories
left against the wall


her apron
hides the dull ache
kept preserved
boxed, plain, simple
unspoken,


her guard is down
tensions press the forehead
a pulse throbs with urgency


her open flesh yearning
for the crumbs
in the pages of remembrance


inbetween each sheath
each page
loves, lies, lives lived

hidden by life's procrastinations
her efforts to avoid change
and pain

the landscape of life
surrenders its waste,
she can smell it
taste it, fear it


dessicated leaves fallen,
branches reaching out
into the unknown,
bare


all knowing
she has watched them grow
change colour
like their moods
she needs to swallow,
gulps of succour
burning at her throat,
a venting,

the loss


the sleet trapped on her eyelashes
melts
and falls onto seared cheeks,
tears fall to burst


she falls
from the grey eiderdown
that threatens suffocation
beckoning
'take me'


the room suddenly suffused
with sunlight
offers succour,


no longer decayed
nor barren or bereft
overwhelming
layers upon layers
of calm,

she lay open,
exhausted
and weeping

Sore. Pain.

Alive.

S.A.F.W. 01/2010



5 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "..her darkness shadows
    misshapen memories
    left against the wall.."

    So beautifully articulated. Life, the longer we know of it, is filled with loss - it is how we cope with it that defines who we are. You appear to be magnificently crossing those challenges, and still are shining through! ((x))

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wonderfully written and very very sad.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh my. That is incredible.

    "skulking into her apron,
    clenched fists
    slammed deep
    into the pockets
    of change"

    I bow to you. xo jj

    ReplyDelete
  5. Are you writing my diary of last January?

    ReplyDelete

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Take the weight of your feet, draw up a chair and pour yourself a cuppa. Leave your troubles at the door and together we shall ride out the storms.
I will walk a while in your shoes...

Saz x