Thursday, 20 January 2011

out of reach

I'm driving,
without a destination,
just driving
feigning I have control of something,
within my hands,
my grasp

it's raining,
or is it?
through the misty, wet, windscreen
of my eyes,
I leave the country road
and stall along the grassy verge

baggage in the trunk
weighing heavy,
intent on pulling me down

I reach for the door handle,
hold on tight to its cold shiny hardness,
till the moment passes
and step beyond the car

a lane
more like a clearing
to my right
is clear of its green summer trellis,
undressed branches wave me through

the smell of winter leaving,
a whiff of spring essence fills me,
l choke on deep mouthful's and I swallow,
savouring its sweetness,

uphill I climb through the bracken,
past a barren, stagnant stream,
fed only from recent thawed pathways,

and at the top
I can see out over fields
and potential summer meadows

in the distance
seemingly out of reach,
a disused railway bridge,
solitary, waiting, brave, resolute,
beckoning,

I meander toward it,
all overgrown, weary,
asleep,
yet full of living,

I walk along
between its grass filled tracks,
they keep me in line,
suggest a direction,
I walk for the longest time,

I walk head bowed,
scliffing my boots,
amid stones, brush and twigs,
tinder dry

fuel for the fire inside,
beginning to burn itself out,
if I don't feed it,
sustain it,
the smoke that still burns in my lungs,
from the inside out,

I want the flames to lick my throat,
smell the smoke in my hair, on my skin,
still intoxicating,
how long will the embers glow

I turn slowly, reluctantly
and
retrace my steps

9 comments:

  1. I have driven and walked in just this way. You have nailed it. It haunts me to know I am not alone.

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  2. Gosh, Saz! It has been a long long trail. Surely something good is round the next bend.

    X.X.

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  3. Your words are so powerful ... I agree with Moannie, surely something wonderful is coming your way! xo

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  4. Beautiful and powerful words ...

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  5. You really are a brilliant writer - so few words but so much said.

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  6. I wasn't sure whether to cry to just sigh deeply as the realization washed over me that I am not the only one who has moments of duress before grabbing sanity back with both hands. Very moving and electric...
    Sandi

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  7. Hold on to the good bits, they will return
    xx

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Thanks for stopping by!

Take the weight of your feet, draw up a chair and pour yourself a cuppa. Leave your troubles at the door and together we shall ride out the storms.
I will walk a while in your shoes...

Saz x