Sunday, 30 January 2011

Get a grip woman

It's a double edged sword, parenting, motherhood, you want to keep them close and safe, yet know that the whole point of it all is to let them gently, step by step find their own way out there in the big old bad world. To nurture, feed and clothe them, give them boundaries (I'm crap at that now they are older). Give them space and time, and I do honestly I try very hard not to smother. It's time to take few more steps back from them.

This last year since my son and I have lived alone, apart from my husband and my daughter, I have accepted much and discarded what I can do absolutely nothing about, to hold onto it is toxic. I am no longer lost in a mist of an unhealthy relationship and a fog of unhappiness. The kids are seemingly accepting, each facing their own patches of darkness and coming out stronger, hopefully with lessons learned, and new expectations.

I like living as a single woman I find, exploring possibilities, no longer in fear of what lies ahead.

Next Friday at 4am, yes you read that right, no typo, 4 bloody am, I shall walk my son a few hundred yards at best, around to his school, to meet the coach that will take him on his latest school trip. Patrick is going away for a 6 day trip to Paris & Brussels with his school friends and the excitement has been growing here steadily since Christmas.

This overlaps coincidentally with my 5 days off on the work rota. So l figure I will either be furiously washing and cleaning the house, or mopping about like a lost soul. I doubt it though...

Hopefully I will be somewhere in the middle of all that, by studying and perhaps even a bit of time spent drawing or painting. 
Lots of wandering around the flat semi nude, cos l am mostly a few degrees hotter than is comfortable, and just cos I can and it feels good. 
I can play my kinda music as loud as I want, (without overhead groans), listen to my 70's LP's all grainy and non digital on the old record player. 
I don't have to cook cos l need to, just cos I want to, all stuff my son doesn't like, asparagus and blue cheese risotto, creamed spinach, eat brussel sprouts raw yum, smoked haddock, Massaman curry, my own anchovies and olive pizza and spicy chicken casserole...

I'm not sure l'll have the time to miss him or worry.
Even though February hides many ghosts that will bug me...
He'll be fine and l'll be fine.
I have fine friends.

Am so very jealous though, I mean belle Paris! I can never tire of that city. To walk and walk and walk, by day and night through the early morning, buying a fresh baguette or croissants at 4am and  relishing each hot mouthful! I think I might treat myself finances allowing, post divorce (please soon) to take my self off for a long weekend there, perhaps with a pal.

Now this sounds like a plan. I shall pick up some brochures tomorrow!

I could even use my french passeport for the first time, enfin!

Saz x

17 comments:

  1. To funny...

    Hope you have a wonderful week to yourself.

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  2. "asparagus and blue cheese risotto, creamed spinach, eat brussel sprouts raw yum, smoked haddock, Massaman curry, my own anchovies and olive pizza and spicy chicken casserole..."

    I can be there in three days.

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  3. A milestone, your son's trip / you solo chez nous. Imagine how fabulous it can be. Pamper yourself. Indulge in special luxuries. You will be refreshed when he comes home. Or, pack your overnight satchel and have an adventure of your own. Promise it'll be liberating either way. I have been (and am) there. Cheers!

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  4. Solitude is bliss! After all those years in a noisy classroom, I can fully appreciate your looking forward to those days. but Paris? call me! lol

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  5. Just to warn you- heh heh. My son's first trip abroad was to Paris. Since then he has been to Melbourne for ten weeks, France three more times, Germany, Chicago and in February- South Africa for ten days. All without mum and dad. Yike. He is a veritable gypsy. It has done him so much good- he is independent but still values our input when required. I don't regret it at all- mind you waving him off at Melbourne was damned tough. Oh yes- and he is only fifteen...
    And Paris- I love the place. If you have hidden savings. Stay at the Four Seasons George Cinq or at least go for drink- it is totally fabulous. I went for my fortieth and pine to go back

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  6. Time is a miracle in itself. Look at you! Rejoicing, as you should.

    xo
    erin

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  7. He will have a whale of a time, and will come home safe and sound, you'll see. I long to be able to walk around the house nude. One day, eh? (Wicked grin)

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  8. He is going to be fine - he'll have a ball there and save it all up to tell you when he gets home.

    Even with your own CH you would be hard put to walk around semi-nude in this ice box, and anyway, Milou would be scandalized.

    Risotto, yum!

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  9. He is going to have a great time - try not to worry too much.

    Hah, that is, of course, impossible - you will worry and worry, it is only natural, you would not be the person I think you are if you didn't! Maybe it will inspire some new poems or paintings?

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  10. Oh I hope you do go to Paris .. I want to so badly .. I am definitely saving for it ... maybe our times there will coincide .. wouldnt that be fun!

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  11. Forget the semi-nude wandering about the flat. Go the completely-nude route, would you please? For me and my imagination? :-)

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  12. I wish you well on the new chapter of your life.

    http://ficklecattle.blogspot.com/

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  13. ha! what would Milou care, he's always nude. and be careful of plans, they tend to trip up magic moments. but you sound wonderful Sara-you go girl!!
    ~rick

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  14. Ah Saz, you sound in a good place :-)

    All that food sounds wonderful, can I have the recipe for the risotto and casserole please?!

    (I too have a secret passion for raw sprouts!)

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  15. Oooh! Nothing like having a plan!
    And what a great one!

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  16. Oh yes a lovely trip to Paris. Magnifique! God of you feel lonely just leave me a message and I'll pop over to help you demolish that list of food you mentioned! Have fun, it can be a great time of life for us old hotties.

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Thanks for stopping by!

Take the weight of your feet, draw up a chair and pour yourself a cuppa. Leave your troubles at the door and together we shall ride out the storms.
I will walk a while in your shoes...

Saz x