Monday, 27 December 2010


there are so many silences..

all are a deafness
that defies all words,

moments chosen,
friendships thwarted,
a need to control
the unknown

I chose silence,
but the white noise
resents my reasoning,

fear and self loathing
take over the lease,
as we run from our shadows
and cleave pathways
in the wilderness,
hacking away at distrust
that is only mine,

fear must be owned
l can do that
but will I
trust me again

will you

Thursday, 23 December 2010

Sunday, 19 December 2010


It twists,
and curls
its tendrils
rising high above me

I glance at the almost full moon
clear and luminous
its glow reflected into my eyes
feeding me
and upon the snow lined path
before me

A hanging fog
like the shawl around me,
a translucent flourish
of paisley coil,
a wisp that disappears in seconds

I exhale and momentarily
it's in sight again
only to vanish as I reach out
elusive in the dark

It leaves its odour on my flesh,
I feel and smell it close,
taste it,
lick and bite my lips
tantalising and teasing,

I inhale to catch the magic
deep within my creases
my heart pounds
as it burns way down,
my throat aches
am light of head

Moments stolen upon my stoop
a pack of lies in my pocket


Friday, 17 December 2010

Hanging in here..

l am giver, never a leaver
I am sister, never a sibling
I am leader, rarely a follower

l am keeper, never a deserter
I am teacher, never a preacher
I am listener, always a shoulder

l am worker, never a shirker
I am stayer, never a faker
I am sayer, always a friend

I am sinner, sometimes a player
I am hoper, never a runner
I am singer, always a song

I am a believer, never a no hoper
I am lover, never a hater
I am woman, always a warrior

Sara x

James Taylor - Wichita Lineman - Grammy Nominated

' ... and I need you more than want you..', gets me every time and catches in my throat

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Sublime Shakey


A woman's face with Nature's own hand painted
Hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion;
A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted
With shifting change, as is false women's fashion;
An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling,
Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth;
A man in hue, all 'hues' in his controlling,
Much steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth.
And for a woman wert thou first created;
Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
And by addition me of thee defeated,
By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.
But since she prick'd thee out for women's pleasure,
Mine be thy love and thy love's use their treasure.

Rufus Wainwright

Sunday, 12 December 2010

Taking a break...

A train with a view

lucky capture
stone wall
in winter

Ribblehead Viaduct ? I believe

at Moannie's
my old new best friend, Milou

dog walking every afternoon

blows away
any cobwebs

revisiting old haunts
realigning memories
and misspent deeds

Reculver Towers
Minnis Bay & Margate
in the walkable distance

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Down time ... Postponed - Revisited?

To avoid profound and expensive repairs to this blogger, it has been deemed necessary to close down at regular intervals. I have decided to adopt a planned approach to these periodical rest days. Most necessary to sustain and replenish, and hopefully involve much body tune ups in a prostrate position, supine and floating in a bath of gin. A handsome infertile flexible male to peel me grapes and feed my whims. 

So for the nest few days, I shall be unavailable due to routine maintenance. To keep this blogger running smoothly,it may be prudent to install flash players, oh yeah baby!

In other words - l'm driving letting the train take the strain down to the parents, Moannie and JP for some tlc. Which will no doubt include the prostrate position on couch, watching with mother; Milou on hand to pet; some deep meaningful lunches with a strong Latin edge; much rolling of eyes and side aching laughter. 

Back next week.

At the time of writing this post I was good to go.... then a glitch and a postponement until December. Disappointing but...

Life's like that.

It's December and it's still snowing, melting, refreezing and snowing again..n subject to the trains, l shall be at Moannie's Wednesday evening...

Carlisle .-15' coldest place in England this morning
Kent?...will report in words and pics over the coming days....

Saz x

Sunday, 5 December 2010

a new way

the rains subside
resentment washes into the gutters
and the watchman unseen
cold under the street light

the snows came
and chilled my blazing heart
burning my lungs
threatening to crush
leaving hard choices

much love, empathy and words 
shored up my hunger
three women in defiance
led me through the listening gate
and I emerge strengthened

for me it is now done
the shame of having lost myself
within a fog of dull, empty expectations

my truth revealed one more
l can forgive and leave its smell
upon those that did not see me
did not care to see

a gate unlatched by unwitting hands
he left me open and wanting
the sap rises
daily shedding a layer
until l could ache no longer
the watchman showed me the way

harvesting a cleansing flame
licking the shames and secrets
into the fire
leaving my sallow skin ashen and dry

my hopes, our failures
discarded without reference
no longer enabling or colluding, 
defiant l rise
to capture the moments that are only mine

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Some christmas spirit

Christmas is forcing itself upon Carlisle

I helped run a stall/shed/shack/shop thingy in the town centre over the weekend

freeZINg weather, snow and no chill factor thank god
it was a pr event for the Museum

and we had some fun and kept warmer than expected

I tried to capture our surroundings

just dropped by... visit Mum's blog and to say Hi to a few friends... I hope you know, you are all never very far from my thoughts. Many of whom I...