Jeremy Vine. Yes l am!
He is on the radio beside me, a pile of magazines and knitting on the other side.
Phone and laptop on the tray over my legs.
After a night of coughing and pacing on the carpet tiles,
I managed to fall asleep, when one nostril allowed some air through,
and I slept into the heart of late morning.
I have a chesty cold. Not the flu. I've had both and I know the difference. I was sent home from work yesterday to take care of myself. I am under the duvet.
I shall shortly get up and shower ...but then l think why?
Why should l? Do l need to? Nothing really needs doing, cleaning, tidying.
I find lately l am thinking more about myself. My well being. It hasn't really ever been at the forefront of mind. Big mistake.
It seems l no longer concern myself with the storm of guilt. It's just not heading my way any more. I have been freed.
Then I think, should make the effort. There are expectations of me, wife, mother, work colleague. I forget momentarily. Old habits. But no, there isn't any expectation, if there ever was. That has been in my head, riding my thoughts. Whether by my own expectations of what should be, would be, could be ... or by the looks, sighs and pointed words, it concerned me.
Played with my head.
I am done with all that.
Staying in bed for one day will not affect the well being of my son. He is visiting his father this evening, he will be fed (kind of) and he may have to get the bus if l don't take him. No big deal.
My friends, parents, children and others have all helped me regain lost confidence. Letting me be. Letting me moan and groan. Talk and talk and talk.
I have found a deeper, inner strength
I am becoming myself again
I can choose to stay in bed.... so sod it l will stay in bed a bit longer, and l feel so much better for it already.
Today I not only breathe clearer. I CAN breathe!
...and if you need cheering up cos you are in bed too..how about this for a bit of perspective....