Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2010

thwarted

there are so many silences..

all are a deafness
that defies all words,

moments chosen,
friendships thwarted,
a need to control
the unknown

I chose silence,
but the white noise
resents my reasoning,

fear and self loathing
take over the lease,
as we run from our shadows
and cleave pathways
in the wilderness,
hacking away at distrust
that is only mine,

fear must be owned
l can do that
but will I
trust me again

will you

stooping

It twists, and curls its tendrils rising high above me
Bewitched, I glance at the almost full moon clear and luminous its glow reflected into my eyes feeding me and upon the snow lined path before me
A hanging fog like the shawl around me, a translucent flourish of paisley coil, a wisp that disappears in seconds
I exhale and momentarily it's in sight again only to vanish as I reach out elusive in the dark
It leaves its odour on my flesh, I feel and smell it close, taste it, lick and bite my lips tantalising and teasing,
I inhale to catch the magic deep within my creases my heart pounds as it burns way down, my throat aches am light of head
Moments stolen upon my stoop a pack of lies in my pocket
Sara

Hanging in here..

l am giver, never a leaver
I am sister, never a sibling
I am leader, rarely a follower

l am keeper, never a deserter
I am teacher, never a preacher
I am listener, always a shoulder

l am worker, never a shirker
I am stayer, never a faker
I am sayer, always a friend

I am sinner, sometimes a player
I am hoper, never a runner
I am singer, always a song


I am a believer, never a no hoper
I am lover, never a hater
I am woman, always a warrior

Sara x

James Taylor - Wichita Lineman - Grammy Nominated

' ... and I need you more than want you..', gets me every time and catches in my throat

Sublime Shakey

SONNET 20
A woman's face with Nature's own hand painted Hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion; A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted With shifting change, as is false women's fashion; An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling, Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth; A man in hue, all 'hues' in his controlling, Much steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth. And for a woman wert thou first created; Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting, And by addition me of thee defeated, By adding one thing to my purpose nothing. But since she prick'd thee out for women's pleasure, Mine be thy love and thy love's use their treasure.
Rufus Wainwright

Taking a break...

A train with a view
lucky capture stone wall in winter
Ribblehead Viaduct ? I believe
at Moannie's my old new best friend, Milou
dog walking every afternoon
blows away any cobwebs
revisiting old haunts realigning memories and misspent deeds
Reculver Towers Minnis Bay & Margate in the walkable distance

Down time ... Postponed - Revisited?

To avoid profound and expensive repairs to this blogger, it has been deemed necessary to close down at regular intervals. I have decided to adopt a planned approach to these periodical rest days. Most necessary to sustain and replenish, and hopefully involve much body tune ups in a prostrate position, supine and floating in a bath of gin. A handsome infertile flexible male to peel me grapes and feed my whims. 




So for the nest few days, I shall be unavailable due to routine maintenance. To keep this blogger running smoothly,it may be prudent to install flash players, oh yeah baby!


In other words - l'm driving letting the train take the strain down to the parents, Moannie and JP for some tlc. Which will no doubt include the prostrate position on couch, watching with mother; Milou on hand to pet; some deep meaningful lunches with a strong Latin edge; much rolling of eyes and side aching laughter. 


Back next week.


At the time of writing this post I was good to go.... then a glitch and a p…

a new way

the rains subside
resentment washes into the gutters
and the watchman unseen
cold under the street light
onside

the snows came and chilled my blazing heart burning my lungs threatening to crush
leaving hard choices
much love, empathy and words  shored up my hunger three women in defiance led me through the listening gate and I emerge strengthened
for me it is now done the shame of having lost myself within a fog of dull, empty expectations
my truth revealed one more l can forgive and leave its smell upon those that did not see me did not care to see
a gate unlatched by unwitting hands he left me open and wanting
the sap rises daily shedding a layer until l could ache no longer the watchman showed me the way
harvesting a cleansing flame licking the shames and secrets into the fire leaving my sallow skin ashen and dry
my hopes, our failures discarded without reference no longer enabling or colluding,  defiant l rise to capture the moments that are only mine

Some christmas spirit

Christmas is forcing itself upon Carlisle
I helped run a stall/shed/shack/shop thingy in the town centre over the weekend
freeZINg weather, snow and no chill factor thank god it was a pr event for the Museum
and we had some fun and kept warmer than expected
I tried to capture our surroundings







Someone to watch over me

last night he watched over me
he sang me a lullaby
his words broke me and rung me gently out
I dreamt he soothed and caressed me
with his whispers

the high winds of night swept me up
the watchman threw me a lifeline
sweet but firm
he led me to the light
sage, wise words, guiding me

approaching the witching hour
the demon alive in my heart and mind exorcised  for one night only nightmares banished
falling into heaviness, l slept

gently nudged awake by the song of the albatross
my thoughts ran to the dream
the watchman, now a world away
left me comforted

still alive and in one piece
I turned in my warm blanket
... a note left by the bed side

Sara

a fine line....

l am without words ...

l am hiding under my rock..

The View from this End..

Well, oh my Mother!

After nearly a month of  long distance phone calls,
sweat and toil, a trillion emails, messages to the non-people of the elusive and seemingly not contactable Google and Blogger...

We have had a result amid the reassurances, that Mum's Blog Name 'The View from this End' and address have been returned to her undressed in terms of her posts, but nevertheless is her natural home.

I think this has brought it shockingly clear to her, that she has blog land in her heart as well as mind amid the doubts and in the times, days, moments when she is frozen without a fresh post in her head.

She now knows without a doubt that she is truly entrenched and in love with blog land, with all their friends she has made within, and to their words which resonate and fill her...

l don't think she will be thinking of leaving here ever again.
A Pyramid of Piffle

Welcome home Mum!!

luv Saz x

p.s. if she is in your side bar, reader or dashboard list, she should reappear as sh…

A Fair Vintage..

This morning I visited the first  'Nostalgia meets Design ' event held at Rheged Visitor Centre near Penrith
I have been swithering about having a stall there myself but thought it best  to see for myself how well attended  and what sort of mix of goods were available
(all images enlarge with one click)

an early 1960s Airtsream trailer in the parking lot set the tone

The venue offered a stylish and eclectic selection of vintage fashion, jewellery, accessories,

clothing, homewares and textiles and reconstructed crafts....

wonderful eclectic mix of home wares & kitchenelia

from  Fiona Cox assorted Vanity, textiles and linens

a stall of hats in homage to bygone days from Victoria Relph

 assortedhouse  items from vintage fabrics and textiles

  bespoke cake maker with a cake fashioned on my good self feet up, cake, voluptuous and bag at the ready for all eventualites!
 friend and fellow vintage trader Fran Boyd, who runs Goodbye Norma Jean, she now offers a pop up vintage shop with cupcakes an…

abc Wednesday O is for....

Opulance

During my summer break my friend and I visited The Bowes Museum in the market town of Barnard Castle









The Green Man





Fleur de Lys garden
John and Joséphine Bowes founded The Bowes Museum. John, the son of the 10th Earl of Strathmore, was born in Teesdale in 1811. His mother was a commoner, Mary Millner, who lived with the Earl to all intents as his wife for many years. The Earl married her just 16 hours before his death in an attempt to save his son’s succession. Two very long court cases ensued, finally settling the Durham estates on John, but not recognising him as the legitimate heir to the Strathmore title. John was educated at Eton and became a very successful business man who invested heavily in the coal reserves on his land and bred four Derby winners. From 1847 he spent his time between France and England. Joséphine Bowes was born in 1825. She was an actress in the Théatre des Variétés, Paris, which John Bowes owned. She shared John’s love of the arts and they married in 1852.


it's the little things...

Why oh why do kids not clear up after themselves? It's every generations headache and an old, old chestnut l know.

It's usually me who gives in and just takes dishes through to the kitchen. Today l cleared 5 glasses, 3 plates and 6 mugs from my son's den.

In the living room a plate with the remnants of a kebab lurked pungently, but l left it there until he popped home from school for lunch.

He ate a plate of noodles and l asked him to clear both plates when he was done. He didn't. Soy sauce swallowed the room.

Later as l collected the evidence together and began to walk to the kitchen, l turned and went into his bedroom and placed them upon his bed. I closed the door behind me for maximum effect.

When he returned from school he paused in his room, looking, figuring it all out. I lurked in the hall, he said loudly,

'Do you think l don't get this is a ploy on your part?'

Me, 'That may well be the case,'

Son, 'Well for that l will leave them, not p…

be warned...

...so as not to offend, for those of you with a sensitive disposition it may be better if you do not press play.....

I have found my theme tune 2010 over at Familyaffairs ! This makes me laugh, dance and sing....breathe it in girls!!! I love it!

A few Doddy moments

French Fancy in Kent asked in her last post ..'what can you think of that has recently made you happy'

l'm assuming she is using the word happy loosely, as I find contentment is more manageable and satisfying. Happiness, like joy for me isn't a state of mind, it doesn't stay with you. it is fleeting. Contentment is achievable and l align myself to it. l am smug enough and able enough to try and and hope, to sustain it.

Joy is but of moments.

So l have spent odd moments today thinking ..'what can I think of that has recently made me happy'..

here are my Doddy moments.... get it? Ken Dodd - 'Happiness, happiness'
I finished reading a second book this weekThe sun shone deep into my faceI have been home alone and content with itI have made some exciting plans for next yearI wrote a letter of objection to my son's school this week and they made an about face within 24 hours! I laughed with friendsI knitted all evening without objections I had a duvet …

Getting stuck in again...

It isn't New Year for sometime, even so I have never been a New Fear developing newyear-itus shortly after Boxing Day. Bah humbug and bad experiences have not enamoured me to the festivities. Although I am hopeful that I may even find myself enjoying the Eve in the future, perhaps in new company or a new space entirely. Who the hell knows!
I have never  been one to make foolhardy, spur of the moment, resolutions or four. The only ones I remember are the oft mentioned, ' I will lose weight' and the  ' I will stop smoking' ones. Funnily I have achieved both, (with the odd relapse) but not because of new year resolutions almost in spite of them!
The reason l mention resolutions is because I don't feel I need a reason, a kick up the backside or anything else for me to make changes. I just know I have to. Over the last few years due to a mix, of menopausal hormones, couch potato-itus and  slothlike bad habits, I mislaid my enthusiasm for almost anything or anyone exce…

Moannie loses it!

As some of you have already noticed Moannie's blog has been removed!
But do not panic Cptn. Mannering! I am hopeful all will be restored in due time.
No doubt she will recount her debacle to you in her own inimitable fashion, but to summarise - she called me all clammy and distressed after having fiddled with the new layout options and found she wasn't able to upload an image. In her frustration she thought it would be a good idea to try Picassa and then it all went badly wrong. She deleted her all new Picassa account, her google id and seemingly her blog.

I have Google and Gatsby at Blogger looking into it. Worse scenario is she may have to start over, I see her blog is still cached so we can save some of her posts.

She misses you and wants you to know she will be back soon, one way or another!

I am in bed with...

Jeremy Vine. Yes l am!

He is on the radio beside me, a pile of magazines and knitting on the other side.
Phone and laptop on the tray over my legs.

After a night of coughing and pacing on the carpet tiles,
I managed to fall asleep, when one nostril allowed some air through,
and I slept into the heart of late morning.

I have a chesty cold. Not the flu.  I've had both and I  know the difference. I was sent home from work yesterday to take care of myself. I am under the duvet.

I shall shortly get up and shower ...but then l think why?
Why should l? Do l need to? Nothing really needs doing, cleaning, tidying.

I find lately l am thinking more about myself. My well being. It hasn't really ever been at the forefront of mind. Big mistake.
It seems l no longer concern myself with the storm of guilt. It's just not heading my way any more. I have been freed.
Then I think, should make the effort. There are expectations of me, wife, mother, work colleague. I forget momentarily. Old ha…

...and counting

Historically I have always been tall and slender, even skinny after having children in my mid to late 30's I gradually gained weight. Eating for comfort is a western symptom of unhappiness, the one pool into which I dived headlong and remained underwater for the past decade.

During THAT week  in February this year I lost one stone, then over the last few months another stone silently dropped off and stayed off.
Although I have recently been eating a healthy meal each day, I have not had a suitable breakfast or lunch. Of course though sufficiently nourishing, this will make me sluggish, as my metabolism will not be functioning properly. So I have enrolled on a healthy eating plan to train my self back into proper eating habits and it helps for me to have this structured guide. I am now eating better, more regularly and l have lost another 5lbs in two weeks. A total of 33lbs. A bit more cycling and I may have this cracked. Though l wouldn't recommend the kick start I had 7 months …

Wot price independence

What is a girl to do?

I have been pondering over the value of keeping my car, the costs of running it, compounded with fixing it when it gets ill, can be overwhelming. But this would mean l would rattle around town like a bag lady, weighed down by my wares and my woes. I could let the train take the strain on visits to Kent and on days out etc, no worries there, time to read, listen and think. But then l wouldn't be able to run Mum around and visit friends without planning the trip to the enth degree, which takes the fun and enjoyment out of it.

I do value my new found singledom independence greatly. I am my own woman. Mine own. The car allows me choices in the moment and adds to a feeling of control. Control. Yeah l like that. Mine own.

A few months ago whilst driving in town, the gear stick went limp in my hand (steady), then fell horizontally to the carpet. I felt the anger of the clutch and drove Miss Daisy style, in the one gear l could find to the dealership. My frustratio…

A Communion

As the stars, sun and moon keep balance with each other, I too feel blanketed in the synergy here that shines its light through this place of writing.

Often times posts appear on the same or similar subject. It constantly amazes me how this happens within this vast land of united creativity. In my imagination I see us all as a force of fertile overlapping circles. Bridging the gap. A balance between imagination & frustration. We are in the same space, different place. Different stories, same tune. Like minded exchanges. Some challenging thoughts, views to stimulate thought.
Each story, each journey miles apart, but here we confess, unburden, fess up, confide, enlighten, encourage, incite, evoke every emotion. Friendships made. Stories written. Hands reach out. Holding on. Breathing deep. A lifeline for some. A light for the night time. A few words for the day ahead. Alone, but not lonely. Though for some, the fear is always in residence, punching through the darkness,
bravely we walk, h…