Wednesday, 8 July 2009

A Pillow of Contentment

This place where I write. This place where I think. Is a place where my thoughts run freely. A place where they mingle. Where they congeal. And harden only to be picked over and reopened. In real time. My life in its sticky, chipped state. This is a place where I feel safe. My cave. A sanctuary.

This is a place where I first began to write my whimsical thoughts. Trite and funny anecdotes. I wanted to find a place to try to write. To write me. Find me. Write down in words this deep down voice. My feelings.

As an errant list maker. I often write things down. As is my want. List fashion. On post it's. A Swot analysis of my life stages. So far. What I feel now. Isn't what I felt then. This place helps get me through. To accept how I feel as I do. Now. Certainly stronger. More measured. I take time to think things through. Before I say them out loud. Most often.

I have always been in awe of how others write. Are able to write. Effortlessly. In the shadow of writings and art of my Mum. In this place there are Big footsteps to follow. Women in windows. Women in suburbia. Women of much importance. To place my feet upon theirs in the sand. To walk. Writing stories. Recreate my own. In words.

Caught in the gravity of life
Tendrils wrap around my ankles and hold me back.
A space of timeless insecurities,
Cling to the sharp edges of hope.
Bite into my fingers
the pain casts a light on a memory in the black
and l follow mournfully.
Upon the cake crumbs of tomorrow
my spine unfurls with each new breath.

My residency here began on 8th July 2008

I wasn't having a great year. Emotionally and personally. I was feeling crushed by the impending fifth decade. The walls were definitely getting nearer to each other. To say I was hemmed in would be an understatement. I knew that then. I know that now. Though if I do feel it now. I don't need to say so to the same degree. In my book that's progress. It is cathartic to write it down. I believe. It isn't all inside. Sitting still. Rotting. Causing damage. Once out there. It is being processed. Being dealt with.

Today is FFF's blog birthday. I haven't marked my other older blogs in the same way. I guess that's because they have a completely different function. They are not a personal journey in the same way. They are another slice of my life. This part of my life. Has become a life blood. Ritual.

Thank you for sharing your stories with me. Your light shining your inspiration. Upon me. For your wisdom. I thank you all. For your courage. Your talents. Your support. Your time. Your diverse interests and viewpoints. Your friendship. your words. Your inspiring stories.
We all have are our stories. We are our stories. Stories. Life.

First FFF post here


  1. That's beautiful Saz. Happy bloggy birthday to you. Always enjoy your writing, clever girl. Thanks for being there :)

  2. Saz, Congrats on your blog. Always am glad I have stopped by. You always make me think or smile or both. Take care, cinner

  3. Eloquently put. Happy Blog Birthday.

  4. Multitudinous felicitations on the anniversary of your natal day, dear Blog. And congrats to you Saz for always making me glad I stopped by.

  5. Happy blog birthday.

    I've only just discovered you but will be back.

    50 eh...

    Now how did you get there? Where'd the years go... I can relate to that.... I might just write a post

  6. Beautiful darling girl, happy blog birthday...Talk very soon.

  7. Happy blog Birthday Saz...I consider your blog a present to myself everytime I come in!!!

  8. Oh how I hear what you are saying. I think more of us feel this way than we realize. Thank you for your honesty and sharing your thought s with us on your blog. I check in often and I'm never disappointed.

  9. Saz, I love the way you wrote this. Staccato sentences, thoughts standing on their own. Happy b-day wonderful woman. Enjoy and revel in your journey. It's an important one. It's surprising where the journey can take you. Sometimes, I think, we can't even imagine.

  10. How beautifully written that was. Happy blogging birthday; long way it continue! x

  11. Congratulations on your Blogoversary!

    I for one am glad that you found this place to write it all down, otherwise I would have never met you! I am grateful for that.

  12. Sara, when I first found you, I looked up to you, I wanted to be like you, to feel like you, to write like you, and to be such a creative spirit - Your art, your fashion, your vibrancy, your beauty, your winning words...

    And I look up to you now, petal. Star that you are...

    Happiest of Bloggiversaries... I love it that writing makes you feel stronger. Bon courage, ma cherie; You're so worth it! Your Quill-Sister, Fhi xxxxxxxxx

  13. Thank you all....the writing is the making sense of the al are the steering column that keeps me true.

    I am blessed indeed...
    Fhina - thank YOU! You know why and what for...I think we bolster and reignite our flame from each other.

    Erin & Merisi- you inspire me both and I aspire to follow in your footsteps.To hear and see and feel as you d. Can.

    Suburbia- you breathe life into me.

    Scriptor- you make me smile and laugh.

    Moannie- belief and synergy

    Sandi- I'm so glad to know you.


  14. Happy B.B. to you,
    Happy B.B. to you,
    Happy B.B. dear Saz...
    Happy B.B. to YOUUUUUUUUU.

  15. Happy anniversary, Saz! So glad that you share yourself with us.

  16. Beautiful Saz... you and Moannie humble me with your beautiful writings
    Happy Blog Birthday

  17. So true that writing down the feelings frees us from the tendrils of life's gravity dragging us down. Your writing resonates with others, too. Keep it up!

  18. Very nicely said. Happy Blog Birthday Saz. Long may you continue.x

  19. Happy blog birthday, Saz. So many happies! Your blog was one of the very first I read when I was thinking of starting one myself, and I'm honored to have made your acquaintance. You give so much. That you give yourself space here to explore, learn and grow and feel is an inspiration to the rest of us.

  20. Happy blog birthday to you!

    My only regret is that I didn't find you sooner :)

  21. Happy Anniversary. Love reading your blog and glad you decided to share your life with us. A problem shared is a problem halved.

  22. Absolutely super post. Long may it continue.

  23. Saz,

    Yes, happy blog birthday to you! I don't get to blog often as I am busy with kids. However, I can so relate to you and your views. You enlighten my day. You make me feel that "I'm ok afterall".

    Keep on blogging. We appreciate you....:)

  24. "The walls were definitely getting nearer to each other. To say I was hemmed in would be an understatement"

    I know that feeling.

    Bon Anniversaire for a lovely blog,


  25. Happy Blog Birthday Saz!

    I thought of you when I did my exam over at Tullie House a couple of weeks ago.

    Hope all is well. There's a Hadriana award for you over at mine. Hx


Thanks for stopping by!

Take the weight of your feet, draw up a chair and pour yourself a cuppa. Leave your troubles at the door and together we shall ride out the storms.
I will walk a while in your shoes...

Saz x