I was catching up with housework, promising myself a few hours with a book. Or with the bath tub. Perhaps a dvd. I had arranged to meet my girl friend later for a quick coffee & catch up. Note to self. Fetch phone from under my pillow and text her to confirm.
Then the doorbell rang and she was on the doorstep. One hour early. We just scooped up the morning and set it aside. Without guilt. But slightly unhinged.
Talking over lunch. We discussed the usual domestics issues and tissues. Our mood swings and frustrations.
We spoke of our journeys with the OU and how for now, the study platform doesn't suit. But we still thirst. I found my scattered thoughts take on structure. And form.Words erupted from my throat. I had apparently made a decision. It hung in the air between us. I want what?
My harboured aspirations had been released from their tethered reigns. For a time I have shored up feelings of loss. Reluctantly harnessing the grey hairs of doubt. Looking over the edge of the void. At the long walk down the hill. I have been treading water. I know. This vast wasteland spread out before me. I haven't known what I should do with it. Is it written, I just wait and do nothing. I have had two careers and a bit. Plus motherhood. So just why am I just treading water. Lacking direction. There is more. Much more. Change of frame. The strings are loosened. Not yet a while untied. Not broken. Life doesn't stop. It changes.
I finally said it out loud. I want to do so much. I never say it. I aspire. I want to learn. To train. I want options. I need options. At last. Out of the box steps excitement. Opportunities. I have made a choice. To float in the void. Sink. Swim. Or I have to make things happen. A future filled with living. A Life.
I now have a guidance appt booked with a return to learning officer at Northumbria uni in July; a one day taster course in 'prevention conservation' for the arts, yummy!; An open day appt. at the University of Cumbria, Art School to discuss Access /Foundation to Fine Art and an ongoing discussion with The Open College of the Arts, with whom I may start a foundation course as they will credit me for my OU Art History courses. Now that's what I call options for one afternoons work on the phone.
Just takes a flick of that mental switch. et voila. Tous ca change!