Monday, 22 June 2009

....no one can hear you scream...

I have recently joined British Mummy Bloggers, But I am slightly troubled. Because, yet again, I am too old for the club. Okay! I get it. I do understand. Mummy's like to chat and get together with other Mummy's and we get to go to toddlers/swimming/teddy bears picnic together etc .... but what happens when the kids get older and they don't require constant supervison, even if I think they do. Where does that leave me, leave us?

I have the mummy of young ones' tshirt, painted mug and teacloth, signed old uniform sweatshirts from each childs junior 'graduations'.
The fire guard has long gone, the soft cover pads are off the sharp corners, security socket covers removed. The bed guards have been dumped; toys sorted and assorted clothing boot fair-ed long time past. The coffee table has reappeared in the middle of the living room. Much to Larry's dismay(would he admit it) the freezer no longer contains fish fingers and alpha bites. My kids are trying to get into bars; trying to get out for longer; trying to buy alcohol and trying me to the limit, and that is only what I know about. The mind boggles! So where are these other Mummys, please make yourselves known to me, I know there is Supportive Suburbia & Fab Fhina, but come on there must be more of you, bloggers or not. I'm not a Yummy Mummy any more if I ever was, whic I wasn't. I am a fifty (soon to be fiftysomething) MUM or Mam up here in Cumbria. My kids were born in Kent in the nineteen nineties. They no longer bare the birthmarks in the shape of that fair garden county, they sound Cumbrian, eh? Alraeght chuck? I have to organise a translator some evenings when they are here talking at speed together, way over my head.


There are websites, blogs and no doubt events galore planned for Mummy's of newborns, toddlers and infant and junior children. But where is the support for the Mummys of teenagers, the Mummys of apron tugging and scissor wielding 'gonna cut those apron ties' fifth and sixth formers. Which roughly translates to modern days speak as soon to be Year 11's and 13's, soon to be Gap year-ing or off to University, via some shifts on the shop floor to fund it, one hopes laughingly. This all requires support groups, outings, meetings, litres of Latte and Zinfandel, strawberries and choc's, trips to theatre and cinema with like minded women who are not adverse to admitting occasionally googling out of boredom and pleasure for images of some thirty or forty something hunky actors.

Don't get me wrong, I am in a good place. My cup is half full and I have another bottle in the fridge. I have some great friends (whose kids are just starting school)and I do go out quite regularly these days. I am getting my head around many things and am making plans for the future, my future. But, as someone once said 'In space no one can hear you scream' ( c1980 'Alien' movie I think), it's just, well no one can hear me scream at home or in my mind. Or can you? Teenagers! Sigh.

32 comments:

  1. Saz, this is a clarion call all right. Bet you'll find more teen/young-to-be setters' moms ready to unite. You are starting something quite big, you know? I'll support you, but I'm glad I'm way past that stage.

    As a school principal, I sent many letters home to mothers and fathers of teens. Those letters never got opened. Those kids knew how to keep their parents in the dark.

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  2. Hey Saz, I'm with you on all of it, though mine are not quite trying out bars yet, though it pays to be prepared! Why don't we, (you I mean really!) start a 'group' on the mummy bloggy website for the 'more mature mummy'?!! I have not found much on there that I can play with, or, like you, people that I can relate to. All the nappies and pureeing seem very dim and distant. Bring on the next phase I say, and I'm sure I could learn a lot from you and yours. Sxx

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  3. Well I'm not a mummy an my step son's are twenty five and twenty one this year so way past that. Good luck in making contact with like minded mama's of teenagers. There are millions of you out there. You could start your own religion here!

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  4. Saz,

    I am here, I am definitely one of your fellow moms with the teenage aliens!!...lol!

    When I first started blogging, that was one of the subjects I was looking for, moms with teenagers. I once saw a documentary called, "Teenagers: The Other Species." I am so with out on that whole teenager thing.

    I have four kids ages 21 (girl), and boys 19, 17 & soon to be 15. Sometimes, I feel like I am loosing my mind. The only reason I "kinda" get it is because I been through some of the same issues with the child before the last child. I've learned a lot from my 19 year old that applies to my 17 & 15 year olds. However, they are still very different in and of themselves, as individuals.

    My daughter, bless her heart, she hit 15 years old and turned into a completely different person. Ultimately, she went all the way with the cutting, the alcohol and the drugs. However....she made a choice to clean all that up and now she continues to attend AA on her own. She has been clean for almost 2 years! I have a grandson as a result, but she's clean.

    The boys are not into anything like that...for which I am EXTREMELY relieved!

    Well, I've said enough. I can go on and on about teenagers as a mom!

    Presious

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  5. I'm a British mummy blogger too, and a northern lass, living in Northumberland, born and bred in Lancashire. And my little one is now a big one, albeit still only 9!

    CJ xx

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  6. Well, I seem to have 'misplaced' you for a while when I accidentally deleted all of my Favorite Coffee Stops a while back. I didn't know how to use Google Reader but now I do so I'll add you to that as well as my blog list so I don't lose you again! I am notoriously bad at accidentally deleting stuff. I just hope I never accidentally delete my BLOG!!!! Anyway, Saz...as to your post, an even less-recognized group is we stay-at-home grandmas who are helping raise/doing day care for our grandkids. I am such an anomaly out there in the day-to-day world, trudging along with my toddler grandsons in their double stroller. Especially since Dylan calls me "Mommy" -- he even calls his great-grandma Mommy so it's just a quirk he has but you should see head turns, what with me having my head full of silvery white hair, HA!!!!! My two kids are now in their early 30s but I can always be counted on for support and - hopefully - wise words of experience if anyone ever needs any. If a group gets started for we more mature moms and stay-at-home grandmas, count me in. I think Suburbia's idea is great, if you have the time to devote to it. I tried writing a menopausal blog a couple years ago that was beginning to pick up a fair amount of traffic when I had to stop it because I didn't have the time to devote to it. If you ever need to vent, come find me. I have a great shoulder to cry on.

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  7. You have one pretty close. Mum of fourteen year old ( year nine soon to be year ten) happy to join in wine and coffee comfort sessions.
    About an hour from Carlisle door to door.

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  8. I'm not even a mummy, yummy or otherwise, so count yourself lucky.

    I've always loved that quote: "no one can heat ice cream in space"...

    You're from Kent originally? I'm a Kentish man. We were in Cumbria in 2003 visiting friends. Lovely county but a tad cold at times!

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  9. Interesting. I used to wish the same thing. Just others to share the teen years with, or the college years with.

    I have two in college. A 23 year old daughter and a 21 year old son. If I had known what I did to my parents then, I would have been better, I promise.

    It is a good idea, Saz. Perhaps you just have to start something.

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  10. "My cup is half full and I have another bottle in the fridge."

    GREAT line! I'll have to steal that soon.

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  11. You have a great idea there Saratouts, I really think you might have started something. Oh how I wish I had had blogland when I was struggling with my three-all so badly spaced-with four years between each, that no sooner had one passed the teen years there were two more coming up. Plus the fact that I had no girl friend or cousin around with teenagers to give me guidance.

    I think you do I fantastic job between you-and Larry always pulls up the slack when drastic measures are called for...doesn't he?

    I wish you well sweetheart. XXX

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  12. I'm sure I joined the teens mum group the other day. If not we have to start one as there are many issues to discuss. What was that saying "Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems." I may have to pop back and forth between groups though - I have two teenagers and a 6 year old. (Help.)
    (Ha ha - my word verification is "SWINES". DOn't tell me that's not a coincidence.)

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  13. 50 is the new 20!

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

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  14. If anyone needs a support group I think it's the parents of teenagers.

    Love this: "I am in a good place. My cup is half full and I have another bottle in the fridge."

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  15. Apart from the school problems, I really liked the teenage years! But I confess I like being an 'empty nester' too!

    My boys come home and cook for me. Don't forget to teach them that skill before they leave, you still have time. ROFL!

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  16. Have you tried meetup.com? They seem to have a group for everything. I'm sure they have groups for mothers of teenagers. If not, you should start one of your own!

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  17. Moms of teenagers probably need support groups the most! Those are the difficult years. Infants and toddlers are easy by comparison. I had 3 teens at once for several years, which led to a vast accumulation of gray hairs.

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  18. I'm so happy I found your blog!! My kids are older, although just apporaching the teen years. I love the sweet little baby blogs, but I think I might fit in a little better over here :)

    And for sure I'll get better advice!

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  19. Oh. You mean it carries on? After I've chosen the nursery wallpaper, the design of the stroller, the colour of the high chair, whether to do the baby led zen massage pilates combo class, or the Little Einstein maths and saxophone class for gifted toddlers? Really?

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  20. Calling in for duty, Sara-Saz!

    We need a badge, a blog-group, bloody hell we need a medal the size of a good old-fashioned dustbin lid!

    I had scarcely any trouble with tinies and tweens, but the teen years are ageing me relentlessly, where I am naught but a grime-y mummy, my purse is empt-een, and my home is slum-y! :(

    Love to you my sweet, Fhi xxx

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  21. SO true - do you think we should start our own teenage mummy blog? Sponsors could be beer, fags, vodka and various drugs Lx

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  22. Saz,

    Thanks for stopping by for the invite! Absolutely I would be interested. I love the title. Makes it clear what the blog is about. :) :) :)

    Wonderful! Wonderful! Wonderful idea!

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  23. I'm here too, though not a member of the 'club' as they terrify me. My daughters turned 20 yesterday and my son will turn 16 in early August.

    'Mummy groups' etc always scare me as they appear to be full of babies. The Mother of Twins Club (oh, how American) that ran for a while here in Belgium was great - until our kids started growing up and newer members arrived with babies and the older members drifted off, understandably.

    A group or whatever for teenagers upwards would help, but the different categories that I can think of are endless.... 'divorced', 'mixed marriage' - don't get me started!

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  24. I don't (yet) have teenagers but still feel well beyond nappy and babyfood discussions. I think I should follow your blog to try to get some decent parenting tips before those dreadful teenage years hit us...

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  25. Ah, but I need Mummy Bloggers like you to let me know how it's gonna be and give me the benefit of your wisdom re raising teenagers. I'm sure I'll be doing it before I can blink!

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  26. Dahlink Saz, I have been thinking - Always dangereux that...

    How's about 'Mad AbouTeens'

    Mums/Mams/Moms
    And
    Dads

    A
    Blog
    On
    Understanding
    Teens (and Tweens)...

    I think we could do it, my Sara - Between us - Why not? We need that support - Parentline does not appear to help helpless mothers of Teen Terrorists...

    Hell, I'm seriously considering having mine adopted!

    I think Blogger is probably what we know - And I think if we aim to post at least weekly, depending on who can post what - and when - I think we could do it - It might be the wine talking, or the talk whining, but let's go for it, my darling friend! xxooxx

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  27. I really appreciated your post! I was looking throught the blogs today and wondering if I was the oldest mum around (serves me right for having my kids at thirty plus)and what a pleasant surprise to find you! I am still rather new to the blogging world but thoroughly enjoying it and will be fllowing you if you don´t mind! I am British born, having lived in Kent too, but now I live in Brazil. I have three teens at home and a husband (ok - two dogs and 6 birds too!).

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  28. Too bad I don't leave in the beautiful lake region! Four teenagers under my belt, any questions? ;-)

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  29. i have a 14 year old who has been a teenager since he was small (autism has that effect!) but who is getting more teenage than i thought possible! i'm down on the south coast though so it will only be cyber chatting...

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  30. http://britishmummybloggers.ning.com/group/parentswithteens

    There's the group you need :)

    As you know i have two young'ns but i also have a son who will offically be a teen this time next year! The joy lol

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  31. My dear Saz, I have a teen 19 year /vamp/ collage girl / night stalker!
    IT the later because she gets up late now summer vacation and comes home in the wee hours, generally forgetting her keys on her bed and phoning to be let in at 3am.As an over 50 sh mom, I am bagged to the nines, I feel for you and your pain. My revenge is vacuuming a lot in front of her doorway in the mornings, or playing classical machining music when her friends phone or pop by.

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Thanks for stopping by!

Take the weight of your feet, draw up a chair and pour yourself a cuppa. Leave your troubles at the door and together we shall ride out the storms.
I will walk a while in your shoes...

Saz x