Monday, 1 June 2009

Hang on. Dare to hope.

Please visit Sallymandy at Blue Kimono she has written a corker of a post today about Depression. She has been true to herself and is very brave. In the spirit of her post and in support of it, I also 'come out'. For those that cannot voice or have no voice.

I wrote this comment, 'Well said. Well written. Informed and infected. A curse for sure. A blessing, I fail to see, unless being able to understand the plight of fellow sufferers is itself a relief.

The pull yourself together brigade and the I don't want to take pills for the rest of my life, known to me as 'the curtain brigade' are in denial. Is there a rock bottom, sure. But it isn't a place one aims to be. It is the place we avoid. At all costs.

To recover we need understanding, the realisation that this isn't to spite anyone, inspite of ourselves.

At some point, sometimes the duvet is the only answer.Until the light at the end of the tunnel shows itself. Hang on. Dare to hope.'

Within a cold damp lie I am trapped,
tight and pinching it slowly shrinks dry.
Long forgotten pleasures collide with the remote present,
all future contentment, obscured by fear.

Saturated with mourning lost hopefulness
and embracing a splinter of clarity 
with wanting and needing
 and gasping for life
I hold dusk like onto each breath of fear,
mindful of the new day

Spring 2004


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Wow Saz, that is very powerful. I have been there, and hope never to return, I hope that none of us ever return.

    (sorry, that we me above, re-worded my comment!)

  3. I guess the reason some of us look for that dark and rocky bottom and embrace it is simply that having got there, the only way is up.

    That's true for me, anyway. The trick is in recognising the bottom when you get there.

    Insightful post.

  4. A topic much mis-understood and in need of many more words... Glad to know that some are being written.

  5. This post is beautiful...and so is your poetry. Thank you! ~Janine XO

  6. I am speechless with pride; for your courage, your steadfastness, and for the wonderful person you are.

    Your beautiful poem says it all.

  7. I have been there too and these posts always help me along, help me to not feel alone. I'm in awe of your writing.
    Thank you so much for your comments and compliments, Saz. I don't know about that red...forgot what it is you mentioned. I will have to check it out.
    I'm off to visit Sallymandy.

  8. Dear Saz, thank you and thank you again. I love your poem and I'm going forward into my Monday heartened and strengthened with the feeling of solidarity with friends across the world. I think I'm going to have more to say about this, and I'm so glad with the response to my post. I really wanted to open up a dialogue, because I just know there are a lot of us for whom this matters greatly. xoxo SM

  9. true. devastating. beautiful. sad. reminder.

    have a blessed week,

  10. I also have been there. Several times. That "old black dog with fetid teeth" is what I call it.

    I will stay on my meds this time. I will not go back there again. Because I am not sure I will make it out of the "hole" next time.

  11. I haven't been there, but someone in my family who is very dear to me is struggling with double serotonin daily dosages, inertia peaks and general duvet-dwelling syndrome.

    I am there for this person, doing all I can to support, heal, help, or just listen as the tears and aimless fears take over.

    Thank you Saz and Sallymandy for these comforting words of solidarity and hope.

  12. Great post, Saz. I'm convinced there are links between creativity and depression. I also think the lack of serotonin in the brain theory is convincing, too.

  13. Pulling oneself out of it just isn't really an option. Support and encouragement is what we tried to do when my uncle suffered terribly a number of years ago. But we realised that even our support wasn't enough to help him.

    CJ xx

  14. So far in my life I've been lucky not to have fallen to depression. A lot of people say they're depressed when they actually mean they're fed up, despondent, out of sorts etc. I get those sort of feelings from time to time but real depression isn't something that you can just "snap out of". It is good that the people who have been there write about their experiences because this must surely sometimes be a lifeline to others suffering from this and it brings greater understanding to the rest of us.

  15. MY WIFE takes medication for depression.

    (No obvious jokes, please!)

    Anyway, I know a bit about it and wish you nothing but the best of God's blessings. And if you find anything that helps, take it (swallow it, inject it, drink it, slather it on, or whatever.) There is no reason to be depressed, IF you're lucky or blessed enough to find an exit from it.

  16. Having been away, I'm just catching up on my blog reading and have just read Sallymandy's post. Insightful, eloquent and brave.

  17. Powerful and true. There is a lot we do not know about depression.

  18. I have only had the odd monthly blues and can't begin to imagine what the real deal must be like. I do wish people who know nothing about it would keep quiet - or go and do some personal research.

  19. Everyone has to figure it out for themself but to be sure, support goes a long, long way. Your support is beautiful.

  20. Sara, my darling, will you let me know what I have missed this week, while I have been absent and studying, and working, and sleeping, and getting the Mexican 'flu, it seems...

    It seems, according to La Moannie, that I missed a lifetime in ~Blogdom... Please let me know...

    And depression - Yes, it is so easily overlooked, and neglected, and support is not readily available to help overcome, I think...

    Love to you, my precious ~Blog-soeur! xxx

  21. great post and I love the poem- brilliant

  22. all 3 of us in our family are on prozac long term. people are very critical about my son having been on it since he was 10; they are people who have never had a suicidal child. thank you for writing this - it needs to be spoken about more.

    ps - the word verification thing is jokersi!


Thanks for stopping by!

Take the weight of your feet, draw up a chair and pour yourself a cuppa. Leave your troubles at the door and together we shall ride out the storms.
I will walk a while in your shoes...

Saz x